I did not offer that last night, I was chicken. baawwwkk! that's something I have to work thru, being scared of his reactions and rejection. It just hurts so much. Last night when I walked in we started good and positive. I was dressed nicer than the usual chore clothes he sees me in mostly, and I caught him looking at me. When I got a closer look at him, at his eyes, my first thought was that he had been crying. But I think he was just looking so bad because of his cold. And he is in a pity mode. I can see it now that I'm looking for it. He's feeling just like I have, and he is stuck wallowing around in it too.

My plans for this weekend have fallen thru. Conditions are not good for working the friends cattle. HHmmm, what can H and I do all weekend? Rather than dread the distance, I want to try and close the gap. Something out of routine, but not too shocking. I don't think we're ready for shocking, it would push the wrong way. Maybe breakfast out? hhmm. more thought required.

Here's a ahem funny. In my desire to tidy the house, I've been chinking away at things a little at a time. There's been an item that came in the mail sitting in the wrong place for weeks, under the kitchen table. The other morning I put it in the spare room. H must've heard the door while he was in the shower, and checked what I had done. That night it was gone. Not sure what to make of that. Why would that be a big deal?

And, I think I need to bring up the cow talk from the other night. H opened the door, I didn't swing it. I need to see if the door is still open. Show him, and let him show me, that his thoughts/feelings/opinions do matter and I do care what he thinks. H telling me that what he thinks doesn't matter the other night was a big miss by me. I mean, I knew he said that, I asked what he meant, but I didn't see it as a sign of how he fealt or that he was reaching out. It hurts me to think I was so unknowing and uncaring in his eyes.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.