Quote: We all seem to be in the same boat! How do we get our spouses to read these postings! It may help them! Just a thought however unrealistic? My question is how loving do we still appear to our spouses or do we start to distant ourselves more and more each day? Will that not make the situatuon worse?
Something the wise NYS told me I believe in his first post to me...was that "But this does not mean anything to him at this time, it only means something to you. You have to approach things from the WAS's point of view. They don't want the relationship." Probably the some of the wisest advice I received on this board. It is so true. You can't tell them anything at this point if they are not open to it.
Visit www.coping.org. There are several interesting articles on detaching with love. You detach yourself from the situation, not the love that you feel for them. You spend your time and energy on you and GAL. The more and more time you spend focused on you, takes the focus off them and what they are doing. You start feeling stronger, healthier and more at peace with yourself...and perhaps your WAS will see the changes and curiousity will get the best of them. Many on here, intially do all the 180s, GAL with the sole purpose of winning back their spouse. But the main goal is to take your life back from you. Think of it as a mini-vacation from the rollercoaster ride that you have been riding. Reflect back to the person you were once, the person your WAS found attractive. Find new hobbies, meet new people..not necessarily dating (I don't think it's fair to bring any additional parties that may be hurt or used, into the R until the R is legally over, but that's just my view) just get out and resdiscover the world out there.
You have time, time and patience will be your new best friends....people panick at this stage. We live in such as I always say a FedEx world, we want, no we demand, instant gratification...but think about how long it took you to get to this place, your R will not be recovered by 6am, I can assure you. Time can and often does heal the wounds. But it takes work, courage and a great deal of love and compassion.
