My question is how does me "letting" an affair continue, all the while "working on myself" and staying calm and rationale help my wife understand what she's doing to me every time she's with him? I know what the book says about me needing to change things so she sees there is a different life to be had from the one she walked away from, and I know that this is important for me no matter what effect it has on her but again, doesn't me being calm and seemingly unaffected by her thoughtless, heartless actions just enable her to feel ok about them? I mean, she's had years to build up a tolerance for hurting me because I have not been what I needed to be and I am to expect that left to her own devices, she'll just snap to her senses and realize the pain she's causing, break off what seems to be a very fulfilling affair, and come back ready to work on us? It is a very hard pill to swallow and I don't know how long I can just let this exist before I go crazy!
