Good for you for saying what you felt in a caring and appropriate way. I posted on slowly's thread that it has been difficult for me to do this in the past. You're such a great role model, Martha! Do you think that he will say anything about it later after he's thought about it, or is he usually just done talking about it when it happens?
Quote: Do you think that he will say anything about it later after he's thought about it, or is he usually just done talking about it when it happens?
To be honest, this is a real crap shoot and I have no way of knowing. It depends on whether he needs to do more processing. If he continues to process after the initial conversation, he will come back to it. If he's done, he's done.
It hasn't come up, and I haven't brought it up. We've had a couple of nice, quiet albeit short evenings together and some apart this week, so all is going swimmingly.
Gabe's insights on this matter have been extremely illuminating and good for me to remember that these types of actions are gifts from SO (though its not his primary LL).
I find what seems to work best for me in expressing difficult or worrisome emotions or responses is to try to use language or phrases SO has used in the past with me. I think it helps to communicate more clearly what I'm thinking or feeling (gives him an "in my shoes" perspective).
Of course one of our greatest achievements in our New R is that we are both doing really well with letting sh*t go. That was probably one of my most egregious failings in the past. I just wouldn't let sh*t go. I've learned! (And a poor, middle-aged memory helps too!)
M
P.S. Thank you for the compliment, Amd. In sharing my journey, I hope to hold out hope for others, too. I remember how much pain I was in when I first found DR and this community. If sharing can help others, then I am giving back even just a tiny fraction of what I've received.
Okay, I have something I need to get off my chest.
As I posted previously, I discovered OW2's blog wherein I learned that she and SO had a brief PA before the end of R1. She discussed it in some detail upon finding out we had reconciled after they broke up.
Recently she posted an entry about watching Dr. Phil and the topic of the particular show was cheating. She launched into this long rant about how horrible cheaters were, which of course egged on a lot of posts from other bloggers.
The hypocrisy is killing me! She is coming off with this freaking holy-than-thou attitude and it makes me want to post on there and point out that she indeed participated in cheating just a year and a half ago, and published that fact on her blog last fall! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Who in the F**K does she think she is to pull this kind of crappola!!!
I'm pretty much a newbie to this site or at least to commenting on a post that is. I have been reading some posts for a while and decided to finally get "registered and get a user ID."
I was reading your thread today and I don't understand why you continue to read OW2's blog. What are you gaining from that? Does SO know that you are reading OW2's blog and probably his blog too? Shouldn't you be focusing on your own life and your new life with SO? Is there a reason for concern that SO is still in contact and possibly gets together with OW2 from time to time and you are searching for your answers to that?
Ok, so she had a PA with SO during R1. Was she cheating on an SO of her own? Or was it just that your SO was cheating on you?
From reading your other posts you have commented that you and SO got together on various occasions before you reconciled and while he was with OW2. You made mention that you were making out in the parking lot and that one evening he crawled through your bedroom window and you made love and this was while he was in a relationship with OW2. SO was cheating on OW2 with you.
you need let things about OW2 go and push forward with SO.
Yes, I'm fully aware that my interactions with SO were "cheating" while he was with OW2. To some degree, that's part of the game of DR, if you will. Probably not my most ethical behavior -- makes me a bit of a utilitarian which I don't agree with. I tend to be more Kantian and that behavior clearly was not Kantian.
Don't misunderstand me. As I read the posts, I clearly thought a lot about everything everyone on this bb has been through -- the agony and survival of affairs and abandonment. And yes, the ethics of it all I find bothersome, even worrisome. I used to be one of those people who said, "If my SO ever cheated on me, that would be it -- no second chances -- we are through." But look at all of the success stories right here? People, couples, who were able to overcome the the betrayal of an affair, step back, analyze why it happened in the first place, and rebuild a much better, more mature and fulfilling R then they've experienced before.
I suppose, to some degree, I'm still in the analyzing mode. There's probably a bit of a train-wreck attraction too. On one hand, I want OW2 to reap the karma she wrecked when she chose to have an affair with my man. OTOH, I want OW2 to find someone to love and who loves her back, for the rest of her life, so she will never again look back upon my SO and will happily stay out of our R. (Of course my darkest side wants all the for her, and then for that very person to cheat on her so she knows what it feels like, but that's just my ID talking...).
I must say, I agree with the 2x4 as well....we all love ya. You've come so far, overcome so much as a couple and are an insipiration to many here....including myself.
SOOOO....the directive to you....don't look at the blogs anymore. What do you care? If you stop that, I can guarantee, within a short amount of time, you'll stop analyzing or caring what OW2's fate is. Simply, it's not in your hands, so why bother. Be a little selfish now, you have a lot on your plate. We would all like the world to be right and fair, for karma to tally the scores evenly...trust that it will, in good time. Trust that and don't look at blogs anymore. Just see what you have with SO NOW...and take solace and work on that.
BTW...I'm not dispensing this advice from a soap box...I too am QUITE vulnerable to looking, snooping. It's this horrible lure....I made a promise not to and have not since then, and feel so good. The temptation has been there all in the name of taking care of me and finding out the truth. BUT, like W2S posted on my thread, would it change your plans? No, so, trust that what SO did then was in the past, in his time of fog. Now, work on figuring out if you can accept his actions in the fog.
So OW2 is a loser...we all knew that. You're not, and that is why SO is with you.
I didn't mean for my comment to come off as being hit by a 2x4. sorry about that.
I just don't understand why you continue to read OW2's blog. You have SO back in your life so you should NOT be doing that. I think reading the blogs causes you to go in a backwards direction, not forwards towards the future with SO.
Quote: OTOH, I want OW2 to find someone to love and who loves her back, for the rest of her life, so she will never again look back upon my SO and will happily stay out of our R. (Of course my darkest side wants all the for her, and then for that very person to cheat on her so she knows what it feels like, but that's just my ID talking...).
Technically OW2 already went through the bit of having someone cheating on her. Karma, what comes around goes around.
Do you think that he will say anything about it later after he's thought about it, or is he usually just done talking about it when it happens? 
