Yes, I'm fully aware that my interactions with SO were "cheating" while he was with OW2. To some degree, that's part of the game of DR, if you will. Probably not my most ethical behavior -- makes me a bit of a utilitarian which I don't agree with. I tend to be more Kantian and that behavior clearly was not Kantian.
Don't misunderstand me. As I read the posts, I clearly thought a lot about everything everyone on this bb has been through -- the agony and survival of affairs and abandonment. And yes, the ethics of it all I find bothersome, even worrisome. I used to be one of those people who said, "If my SO ever cheated on me, that would be it -- no second chances -- we are through." But look at all of the success stories right here? People, couples, who were able to overcome the the betrayal of an affair, step back, analyze why it happened in the first place, and rebuild a much better, more mature and fulfilling R then they've experienced before.
I suppose, to some degree, I'm still in the analyzing mode. There's probably a bit of a train-wreck attraction too. On one hand, I want OW2 to reap the karma she wrecked when she chose to have an affair with my man. OTOH, I want OW2 to find someone to love and who loves her back, for the rest of her life, so she will never again look back upon my SO and will happily stay out of our R. (Of course my darkest side wants all the for her, and then for that very person to cheat on her so she knows what it feels like, but that's just my ID talking...).
