This morning I was doing some organizing while I worked on my final. I came across a paper journal I'd started back in October 2004 when all of this happened and I discovered DR.
Here's a very early entry:
Goals:
I want more quality/alone time with SO as a couple.
I want our conflicts to be less frequent, more fair, remain on topic, and less intense.
I will be more affirming of SO (compliments, support is activities and his parenting, etc.).
I will treat SO more like a friend and stop putting demands on him.
We will be dating again by April ('05). (?)
Okay, 4 out of 5 ain't bad, and I did eventually make all 5!
We actually had a good example of the conflict and friend goals yesterday. I had to cancel our standing lunch b/c I had a training, so I invited him to come join me with some of my gf's for a little get-together last night. He said he probably couldn't b/c he was planning a possible game night with his mf. I was a little hurt by that b/c he'd been with his mf last weekend, we did a joint game thing with his mf and his gf on Saturday evening (which wasn't our original plan), and he was doing lunch with same mf today.
My response? After thinking about it for a few I said, "I'm kind of aggravated. No, I'm not aggravated; I'm kind of hurt and disappointed. You did A, B, and C with mf in the past week, and we haven't had any alone time for nearly 2 weeks. But it's okay. You have to do what you have to do, and we still have Friday night together. I love you."
The result? He showed up last night after all! He told me he thought about it, and that I was right. I just told him how glad I was that he was here.
We spent most of the evening talking to other people at the table, but the whole time we held hands. And we danced a couple of dances.
