Looks like you got lots of attention to your thread started. That's great. Your discussion with SO on last month's concern was great; love vs respect.
We all want it all. But if you had two cards laying face down on the table and could only turn over one, would you want it to say love or respect? I respect some pretty unloveable people. I respect most people I love. He was not telling the people that he respects that he loves them. He did think he was showing you that he respects you when he said ILY. It's great when two people can relax and validate each other in discussion. No lingering confusion.
On your previous flaws you listed: I was whiney - yeah, that killed us all, but no longer
I was sad - yeah, I first logged on as Am2sad, but no longer
I was a nag - Mars-Venus time; men who retreat into their cave to internally process their problems leave their women feeling like they are nagging. Read the definition of WAW on this site. Women that stop expressing their concerns bottle it up and at some point become a WAW. Express your concerns like you discussed the love vs respect, but if he gets quiet it doesn't mean he is shutting you out. He is preparing his ideas, response, and corrective measures.
I came off as needy - I repeat, that killed us all, but no longer - unless you find yourself constantly needing to bring up the past or hunt for skeletons. Why hunt for things you can not resolve by bringing them back to life. Let things lay in the past where they belong. Who is he with. He is with you. Period. End of that discussion, it is simple for men. Here I am.
I spent no time trying to take care of myself and expended all of my energy in trying to save the R - are you spending too much time now worrying about the past or unknowns and not putting that energy into growing the new R?
I was angry and felt rejected, which came out inappropriate ways - you don't sound angry now and why would you feel rejected? Like I said, he is with you now. Are there some other things that you think might be getting expressed in inappropriate ways? Don't go back to the old you. Let him know sometime how you want to keep working on your goals to self improve. Allow his input, ask for it. Let him know this is important. Then he may not feel so threatened when you work up to asking him to discuss things he finds better about the R and himself now. Men don't do this. He will have to feel he is in a comfort zone. He will like the reults of feeling safe. Have you both read Mars-Venus? Have you considered discussing a chapter at a time a weekly R building excercise? Use the "M-V in the bedroom book" as guy bait.
