Quote: I was like the frog who got boiled slowly, by the time the full revelation happened, I had been dbing, and found courage in the many other stories here.
Interesting you should just now make this statement. I just bookmarked your first thread a couple of days ago so I could start tracking your journey.
Quote: NG certainly wants to just forget the affair ever happened, and his 'mistakes'. He once told me he felt 'humiliated' about the whole thing.
This may be a Martian thing too. Hell, it may just be a human thing! After all, do you want to talk about things you've been involved in which you found humiliating? That some pretty strong language there, pard'na...I think he's telling you something.
SO has not used language that strong. I hear a lot about how, "now [he's] doing the right thing" and how much better "doing the right thing" makes him feel. He also talks about how rough the past year was, and how what horrible shape he was in without me, and how he never wants to be there again.
Quote: What do his actions say to you? Does he consider your views, does he behave in a way that underscores his admiration and respect?
This is something we are both working on:
He is very good about considering my views. Always asks my opinion about things, and has demonstrated that he's not afraid to vent with me (no longer "at" me). I'm working at learning when to just smile and nod and be supportive, and when I need to say more. It's a learning thing.
I believe his actions demonstrate that he values and respects me. He's back to inviting me to activities that include his family (but not his D15), and some of his other friends (not related to OW2).
We are still working on the trust issues. We still live in separate homes and have a lot of apart time. Neither of us is forcing the other to be accountable for every second of the day. Sometimes my doubts creep in, but I'm getting pretty good about saying to myself, "Hey, if he chooses to make that mistake again, he knows what he's blowing."
As you may recall from some of my earlier postings, I am learning to resist the urge to analyze too much. Introspection is good when you can learn from it, but too much is not good for the heart nor the soul, nor the partner. Sometimes my analytical skills became a stick to beat SO over the head with. That's probably the biggest one I struggle with right now.
It's very difficult for me to not say, "But what about all that talk about your ethics and values? And how icky cheating is?" Yes, I'm still a work in progress!
Yes, I'm still a work in progress! 
