For those of you on this Piecing thread, how have you been able to move past these things? What tool have you been using?
Strangely, introspection was one of my most important tools. It may be because I'm an analytical sort of person anyway, but in moments of extreme anguish, I cry, then sit and think. To be honest, if I knew at the begining the extent of the betrayal, I would have walked out. I was like the frog who got boiled slowly, by the time the full revelation happened, I had been dbing, and found courage in the many other stories here.
I want to continue to be amazing about this whole thing, not just to SO but I want to amaze myself too.
This I think is often the biggest gap, and one that widens over time. From what I can see, the LBS pulls out all stops, including self examination, charting for personal growth, to become a better partner in a better relationship. The WAs do not always seem to appreciate, or want to explore, what happened, why, and how to grow from the experience. NG certainly wants to just forget the affair ever happened, and his 'mistakes'. He once told me he felt 'humiliated' about the whole thing.
That would be easier for me to believe if he hadn't used the word "admire" toward OW2, even post break-up between them.
Honestly, this could be a combination of Mars/Venus and culture. I know in my circle of acquaintances to praise someone to their face can be a bit 'wet' but to say someone was amazing to a third party would be no problem. England is after all, a half -empty culture What do his actions say to you? Does he consider your views, does he behave in a way that underscores his admiration and respect?
I liked H2H's link to the resentment article too. So apt, no?
