Okay, first let's be clear that I don't "believe" in horoscopes. But some of you around this bb have turned me on to Cainer, so I do go to the site and read occasionally. I do it mostly because I find what he has to say to be insightful and even a tad inspirational from time to time. This is what I'm finding today:
For This Week: The New Year begins with a New Moon in your opposite sign. That's an auspicious omen, a potent portent, a strong suggestion of a fruitful future. It implies important change in the nature of a close relationship. There's someone you don't always see eye to eye with. There's also a need that remains frustratingly unfulfilled. You can fix all this and more, by making a clear, conscious decision to put a part of the past behind you. An involvement needs to move forward on a fresh footing. A new source of love and inspiration is now ready and willing to enter your life. All that's needed, from you, is the desire for things to be different.
For Yesterday:There are more than six billion people on this planet. All, to some extent, are following what they believe to be their own self-interest. No wonder there's a shortage of compassion and co-operation. In one sensitive area of life, though, you now have a chance to act wisely and unselfishly. If you do, will you make yourself seem foolish in the eyes of others? Only if they are foolish! Act according to the best example you have ever been shown. Reach for the highest standard. Do what you know you can be proud of yourself for doing.
The interesting part about the statements, "Act according to the best example you have ever been shown. Reach for the highest standard," is that this is what I've learned, more than anything, from SO. Outside of the crappy parts, he's been one of the best human beings I've ever known. He's always discussing/pushing to be the most moral, or at least striving for, the moral high ground.
Boy, talk about a dichotomy, eh?
One of the things I've been wrestling with this week is that it's not clear to me that SO has any real admiration for me. I've heard him talk a lot about how much he admires other people, and for some reason he holds all of his past GF's in some high regard, even OW2 (even after they cheated on our R -- wtf? whatever! not horribly moral, in my estimation, on either of their parts...).
Anyway, before the discovery of the blog, SO would often tell me what he was journaling, and sometimes combine that with how much he loved me, how happy he was with our present R, how I was his muse, his inspiration. I guess I sort of expected to see some of that on his blog, but it was pretty lacking. He did mention how happy he is now, though I'm sure it was in direct correlation to our R.
I find this disappointing because it's like he can't see his nose in spite of his face or something. I mean, come on, I may be a lot of things (both good and bad), but I think overall I am pretty admirable.
Don't misunderstand. He does tell me often how wonderful I am, how beautiful I am, sexy, funny, smart...but he never uses words which would indicate respect or admiration.
Am I reading too much into this? I mentioned this on the teary night when we discussed the affair. The next night, after a quiet night and some pleasant conversation (just watching TV and holding hands/cuddling), he told me I was pretty amazing. He said it because we were able to talk about the affair the night before without anger and horribleness. I told him <again> that I hadn't wanted to discuss it with him that way and I apologized for just blurting it out in a burst of tears. He said he didn't mind the tears.
From a <slightly more> objective perspective, I just find it kind of sad that he doesn't seem to get how amazing I really am, especially after my journey of the past 18 months.
Things that make you go, "huh". Hopefully he'll get it eventually.
