Quote: I don't feel comfortable that she loves me and I don't feel comfortable that I love her, not in the way I used to. It might be that my comfort level has more to do with the uncertainty of my feelings than with anything she is doing or not doing. Know what I mean? Because of how I feel, I project that same feeling onto her. But the truth is..despite hearing "I love you", I don't feel loved. That's hard for me to admit.
I wrestled with this too. I understand what you are feeling, Wes.
I came to the conclusion that I'd made my decision, and I was sticking to it. I recognized that while I didn't immediately feel the same way about SO, there were still plenty of coals there to work with. For me, this is where the whole, "trust is a choice and love is a verb" philosophies come into play. I choose to behave in loving ways every morning I get up. This applies to SO as well as to others, even some I don't feel very loving toward (e.g. coworkers, my prof, etc.).
I'd also decided that I'd come this far and it would be pretty foolish for me to give it up after making this much progress. SO seems to be willing to meet me half-way and has shown his own signs of growth. For me, this is where I am supposed to be. And it seems that this is where SO is supposed to be to. To use his illustration, our canoes are back in the same stream again.
But I certainly understand your hesistancy and your doubt.
