I'm finding this easier said than done. It is one thing when you are living apart to date part time and do your own thing the other times, but as I sink into this nearly married life again, I find that it is a difficult balance. It's very difficult to continue with the things I enjoy while my XW is busily cleaning house, etc, or I'm not doing things with her. It's a difficult balance of doing things for yourself and trying to be cognizant to spending quality time with your SO, especially when it comes to conversation. Just writing this makes me realize that I do need to make time immediately after work for conversation. It's way to easy to slip into the same habits, but it would be even more easy if you didn't let some of your own personal activities go by the wayside.
Okay, so updates: We had our first fight this weekend and it was a doozy. It showed me that things are not on very strong ground. We even used words like "maybe this wasn't a good idea" about the two of us. I didn't DB very well at the beginning and I also didn't practice some of the other things I've learned from other books. I did eventually get into the proper mode and we did sooth things over and have had a pretty decent start to this week. Last night was also a little problematic in we reached a point where I wanted to do something that had become close to a routine for the boys and I and she was disinclined. I actually would have preferred having the space, but she's more of the mind that we are doing this stuff together and really didn't want to go. She reluctantly went and it put a damper on the evening. She was moody and told me to just let it go. I did, and I was pleased that things didn't escalate and I was able to separate my mood from hers. That's one of my biggest problems...when she is in a bad mood or not talkative, it throws me. I forget the lesson that it might not have anything to do with me or is something she needs to work through, and that if/when she's ready to discuss it, she will. I'm finding that since most of the DR book was not applicable when I started, that I may need to re-read it. I joked this morning that we needed to find a different book that wasn't involved with saving your marriage because we don't have one. Tonight we see a counselor together so I hope that goes okay.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
