Surprisingly, it actually is life in paradise. My vision of how things would ever work out between us was one of multiple uncomfortable dates, slowly starting to reconnect, and eventually getting there as we worked through problems. That vision was way off from the way things have worked out. It is more like the last year was a bad dream and this year is waking up and resuming life. It's like being back even before all our difficulties...we hug, kiss, ML, say ILY, work together, play together, joke, talk.
One reason I feel it's going so well is I always felt while DBing, or whatever it was I was doing, that it would be her grudgingly coming back with loads of reservations about me. It isn't that way. She wanted to come back. She wants the relationship with me to work. She regrets the last year and is apologetic about it. So rather than me having to convince her, even when she's around, that we could make it work, she's already convinced of that and is an active participant. The other day we stopped at the bookstore for a reviving your marriage book (and also a Kama Sutra book ) She's currently reading the love languages book. The effort is there.
Another plus of her is that she isn't that great at dissembling. She might accept hugs and small, quick kisses when she's unhappy or not feeling things, but she doesn't initiate those things. And ILY is a big matter for her. Never once in the year since the bomb did she ever say ILY without a qualifier.
We've had a few times when we've had to work through the past year or when I needed reassurance and she's always talked it through with me and has been reassuring. I have forgiven her, but there are times I feel the need to feel sure of her.
The other night I realized that it would be easy to slide back into old habits. She has been working her a$$ off around the house (with the exception of a few trips to her appt for things, she's been at the house since last Friday, and been there Sunday through today with me). I wanted to make sure I let her know I appreciated it and picked up a rose, a bottle of wine, and told her I appreciated it. This time I don't want to take things for granted.
This is getting long, so I'll close with how things stand. We've talked about her moving in with me and essentially she wants to, but is waiting for me to reach the point I'm good with that. As things are going now, I forsee that we might as well. She doesn't feel she needs to be married, but we have talked about our future. I cleared out a dresser yesterday so she wouldn't have to live out of a suitcase. We've joked a fair amount about the stuff she packed up that she never did take from the house. I guess there is no point now. She said that she just found herself dragging her feet about everything that involved closing the book on us. I'm glad she did.
Well that's all for updates. As Gabe said on Kevin's thread, a reinvigorated R with the X is preferable to a new one, but I'll qualify that with a "if both are willing to work on making it good."
BTW, if I haven't said so before, thank you all for being here: for your advice (which I frequently didn't take), your support, your joking around, being my friends, and for sharing your lives with me.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
) She's currently reading the love languages book. The effort is there.