Okay, so here's where things stand. In many respects, it's like the last year didn't happen. Things are so incredibly natural now that it is a little scarey. She's stayed over the last couple nights and it is as though she never left, but not in the sense that she's in denial about it. The guilt is still there and disappointment about essentially losing a year. We spend quite a bit of time rehashing the last year and I think I've both asked some difficult questions and said some pretty hard things and there haven't been any setbacks. I asked last night how she could feel that she loves me and she said, "I didn't stop. I just didn't want to love you. I thought I was being true to something else." I also said I felt like a second choice and she was pretty understanding and supportive.
I want to benefit at least a few people on here if possible, but understand that each situation is different. I would say that I asked some questions in the hopes I could see what was in her mind, especially this summer when we spent a lot of time together. She said that when we spent time with her parents/family or together that she enjoyed it, thought it was nice, and felt that it was the kind of thing she wanted, but just had the confusion of another "relationship" and felt how could she feel in love with someone else and want this? So I guess I'm saying that positive interactions do register. I also asked "if instead of hanging out if I had instead just moved on would we be where we are now?" Obviously, who knows what would have happened, but her response was "I would still regret this whole thing, but I would have felt that it was too late. That there was nothing to do about it." I don't know...when we say we are leaving the door at least part way open do they know that? Even if the X had second thoughts would they ask about trying again? It's a juggling act and I'm not sure of the answer.
There is a lot more, but I'll just leave it at this. Have a great day.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
