I debated posting, but for a year now I've been putting this stuff out in cyberspace and it's only fair to continue to share. My X can read this I suppose. There isn't much here she doesn't know anyway.
It's been over a year since the last time, but I finally had sex with my XW. How did that come about? She's working through some things and she said she was daydreaming about many things of our old life including having sex with me. She said "you probably wouldn't be interested" and I said, "who told you that? I'm interested."
Maybe it wasn't the smartest idea for various reasons and maybe we weren't ready for that, but we did. She afterwards cried pretty hard. She has a lot to work through not the least of which is a lot of guilt. It was a little strange and somewhat uncomfortable, but wasn't a bad thing. It dissolved some of the uncomfortable distance that's built up between us and allowed for goodbye kisses and some closing of the distance.
Today we are back to taking it slow and cautious and I think that's a good thing. I met her for coffee and it feels like we are just getting to know each other again. One day at a time and one small baby step at a time. We'll just have to see. We both know that ever being together again isn't a sure thing, but at least are willing to explore the option. Obviously, there is no jumping right back in as though the last year didn't happen.
But I would like to say that this process made me strong and in control of my emotions. And I'm glad that I had let go before she dropped the reverse bomb of considering trying again.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
