Quote: I don't quite understand why it is so much easier with her (and other women) than it is with my XW. I guess because there isn't the history.
I think troublesome patterns might show with the new OP once a new 'history' is written with them. In other words, the inticing traits that attract you to them, and them to you, begin to grate on the nerves or the communication difficulties/misinterpretations, mind-reading demands etc... begin to show up.
Also, folks are truly themselves until they're more comfortable with the new OP. Its like the personality version of waking up with her to see what she really looks like sans make-up and girdle.
The good thing about possibly reconciling with one's X is that you already know the flaws. What is the saying - "Better the devil you know than the one you don't"? You just hope some healing and growth has occured in one or both of you to overcome those shortcomings.
I love that DBing makes one (if committed to such a process) dependent only on oneself - or responsible - for one's situation and happiness. This takes the onus off the OP, and back where it should be - in one's own lap. I could kick myself for all the resentment and waiting I went thru expecting/hoping/even demanding that my XW behave in a particular fashion to help meet my needs. The reality is that I'm doing quite fine on my own. I believe that to be possible for all of us.
Hang in there, Bud. You are facing the 'real' work of DBing if this is to play out in this direction. Not an easy feat, but I do hope to see you eventually posting in Piecing with M. I'll try to reach you tonight, had a sick kid last night, so I couldn't return your call.
