Last dance???

[Just_Me]

Hi,

Thanks for posting Martha. I probably should read the M/V book. I've looked through it before. I think it would be most useful in a new relationship setting. I might look at M/V starting over.

I've reached the decision that I don't want to know my XWs perspective. I spent quite a bit of time, energy, and thought on this. I spent 2005 thinking my XW is what I wanted. But after a lot of thought I've reached the conclusion that I can't do this again with her. It's over. She just isn't what I need and I can't reintroduce her into my kids' lives. They aren't even a consideration for her. When her kids are active in things I'm interested to know how they are doing in it and what's going on in their lives. Even people that don't know my kids or are just friends ask how my son did in swimming. I don't think it even enters my XWs mind. Conversations center around her and her kids. She doesn't even reach beyond herself. Even her suggestion to think about trying again centered around "her life" and her kids' lives. My kids and I didn't even enter into the equation.

No one has to love my kids like I do. I don't even demand that they love them, only treat them well. But it is a necessity for any woman I'm with to realize what is important to me and a big part of my life is my kids. I just can't see spending my life with someone that doesn't realize this.

Admittedly, she's in a different place right now, but my decision to move forward without her and not look back isn't solely based on her apparent self-centeredness. It's based on a whole assortment of factors. It's time for me to enjoy my singleness to the fullest. Oh, speaking of that...here are a couple posts that may be helpful.

The Impact of a New Relationship
Day 15

Dr. Jim A. Talley says, "Another relationship is like Novocain for the heart. It is the easiest, quickest, slickest way to do away with the pain. But it's sort of like having a broken foot. You can take a shot of Novocain in your foot after you break it, and you can still walk. You can keep right on walking. You can look around and say, 'I'm fine. Really, I'm fine.'

"One day you look down, and you see these white bones sticking through the skin of your foot, and you realize that you've done a lot more damage to yourself with the Novocain than if you had put a cast around it, protected it, and put some structure to it."

You need to protect your heart and you need structure so that your heart is supported and strong on its own. Getting involved in a new relationship will only damage a heart that is not fully healed.

Embrace Your Singleness
Day 16

A person helped get you into this situation. Do not think that another person will help get you out—no matter how right he or she may seem for you.

"After people get divorced, they rush into a new relationship because they hurt," explains Dr. Myles Munroe. "They believe the secret to relieving the hurt is a new relationship, which is the worst thing a person can do. If you get remarried and you're still hurting, you are taking your hurt into another relationship, and that is going to become the foundation of the relationship, which is faulty."

When you are making decisions regarding a new relationship, do not make any decisions based on your feelings. Feelings are temporal and not always rational, no matter how strongly you may feel them. Be wise and take the time to grow and to build your life on a strong foundation.

"You must gain custody of yourself," continues Dr. Munroe. "You must begin to rebuild your life and embrace your singleness again. Use that experience to analyze your own weaknesses, the areas in your life where you were not able to cope in the first relationship. Then strengthen those areas, get knowledge, get teaching, and get information. Rebuild yourself first because your future relationship is only as good as what you bring to it."

I think that jumping back into a relationship with your ex is the same thing, just novocain. It isn't a cure. I'll embrace my singleness. Take care all.

Me