Last dance???

[Just_Me]

I am lost...what type of relationship are you looking for?

Tman,

I'm not sure whether I'm looking for one with her at all. As I see it, this is a woman that chose to divorce me and go her own path. The entire year 2005 was spent part of the time being friends, most of the time me wanting her back, but with her mainly pushing me away and feeling that we were done..."been there, done that".

I've let go. I'm not in love with her anymore. I remember what being in love with her was and I remember that there was a time I was happy with her, but that's not the same thing as still being in love.

This isn't as simple as just "let's try again" and she and her kids come back to live with me and we are a happy couple again. I'm willing to give her the consideration I would any other woman. I'll date her, etc, but if that goes poorly, or if she expects me to make all the effort of "wooing her" she's got another thing coming. If you went on a date with someone a couple times and they showed absolutely no interest in you, barely talked to you, couldn't look at you, wouldn't do anything remotely physical (even hug), would you keep asking them out?

Basically, it's square one with me. I need to know she's someone I want to date and work on building a relationship with. I would need to fall in love with her and her with me before I'd even consider another marriage with her. There isn't any jumping back in.

Maybe that didn't answer your question. Were you asking if I wanted to build a friendship first? Or if I just wanted to be friends? I want from her what I want with any woman I became seriously involved with...mutual respect, love, understanding, trust, honesty. She has to work her way to that. The difference between what I'm doing and DBing is that I'm not trying to convince her anymore of "giving it another go". I will be the best person I can be, but I'm not going to bend over backwards for her. I'm more like the WAH that needs to be convinced to return to the LBW.

By the way, I think that sharing kids is an excellent reason to stay friends. But if your XW came crawling back begging for a second chance I don't think it's a reason to just say "okay, when do you want to move in". Kids need stability and "we're divorced, now were back together, no we're divorced again" is not the answer. Even with kids involved it's better to make sure your XS is for you before putting your kids in a situation where they think they have an intact family again, but where both parents are unhappy, fighting, or ready to move out again at the drop of a hat. I see the second relationship, if one develops, as needing the same time and consideration as the first one.