Last dance???

[Just_Me]

Hopefully by now you know my sitch. I've been at this area of the bb since at least March.

New years eve my XW called. She said I was right about the things I'd said about her--living a fantasy, life circling the toilet, etc. She might not have been totally honest or told me everything, but she gave me an abbreviated version of her year. I won't go into detail. She did say she was amazed to find when her world seemed to be crashing around her that it was her XH that she called to cry to and that she was amazed that for all this time I'd stood by her. She asked if I was seeing someone...I told her I was, but not seriously. She called back later and asked if I'd consider trying again with her.

On New Years and yesterday she somewhat repeated the request and said the last year was a blur and that she wanted the life she had back. She has said most of the right things, almost a "light bulb moment" type revelation.

But yet, I'm skeptical. I don't trust her. I feel like second choice and a safety net. I said before that I wanted a soft place to fall, not be someone's unreciprocated place to fall.

I had to know whether there was an foreseeable difference in her so I asked if they wanted to grab supper last night. To me, she seemed as aloof as she's been over the past couple months. She was mopey and distant. Obviously there is a chance she's uncomfortable and neither of us can hit the floor running, but if that was a first date with anyone else I wouldn't request a second. Nor will I with her. There is no leaping right back in with me. I personally don't even feel it's me she wants, just her life put back together again.

So, for now, the ball is entirely in her court. She needs time to sort through her stuff and I'll go on as though any words of reconciliation never took place. I'll hold off dating anyone else for now, but otherwise, it will be life as usual, me, my boys, my friends, my job, my life.

You might wonder why I am even here when I say that at this point I'm leaning towards not trying again. A lot of painful water went under the bridge. I'll give it a month, but honestly, she was so successful at pushing me away, that I don't know exactly what I feel for her anymore. I'm not sure she is in a place emotionally to make me fall in love with her again and she can't have me back without that. I gave her almost all of 2005. 2006 is mine. She needs to make an effort now to be part of it.

Me