New Year and New Changes

[snookchaser]

I dont think she broke her promises, as much as you didnt walk thru the opened door.

BF,

Guilty as charged! I see it clearly now. I seem to always has and "excuse" for "why" it hasn't happened yet. I can conviently place the blame on some situation, some event interfering with, blah, blah...

What I haven't done, is stand up own it and address it myself. And that's gotta stop!

I will try to address/respond to your questions soon.
But for the moment I need to digress a bit.

More revealing.... more information...more changes...

Item One:
Earlier in our R my W and I enjoyed watching porn together on occasion to spice up the mood. A few years ago, when the internet arrived in our home, we explored some of what was out there too. But, I slowly let it get out of hand.

I quit viewing internet porn back in Sept. I looked at it pretty regularly. I didn't sign up and pay for anything, I wasn't talking or chatting to anyone, just browsed the free stuff. W knew I was doing it. She wasn't happy about it either. I don't know why I was looking, maybe just trying to rationalize it as a replacement to what was not visualizing at home. But no rationalizing matters. I knew that she preferred that I stop. Reflecting back at that now. Well...Duh! What the F was I thinking???

This past summer, we were struggling with the same stuff as we are today. I had been reading here after buying and reading Michelle's book. I never could get my W to read it though, except the first chapter or so. Looking at other helpful sources, I came across an ad for a Weekend Marriage Enrichment. I convinced my W that we should go and she finally agreed.

The week before the event, I was looking at some porn and my W said that if we were going to get any benefit from the Workshop, then I needed to quit looking at that stuff. I don't know why it suddenly "clicked", it doesn't matter. But it did "click". And right then and there it stopped!

I deleted any and all of it from the PC and it's stayed that way ever since. I had done something selfish, and not honored my W's wishes. But I've come clean now.


Item Two, to follow... not enought time this am...

Last night, we did not follow through. No "excuses" though...no more! I asked her if she could stay awake. She asked "For what"?... I said " To ML. Your kidding? Did you forget about that from last night"? All I got was a dreary "Umm, I guess so..."

She was in a drug induced sleep. Lunesta!

I did not sleep well last night, couldn't sleep..toss turned..blah...blah..... It's those damn drugs...she can't keep her d@amn eyes open!

She knew d@mn well what we were supposed to do!
Too mad right now... but gotta go to work.