hmmm. I like it, very close to my internal 'Do I have enough S&R value' An insecurity at its base level. Never sees the light untill my W cheats on me. No I take that back. It first is touched on when work/ being a good provider is not tops. When I perceive I am lacking in that area. The fix is of course --knowing that I do/am, and reacting from that frame... Ah very good HP thank you for this.
It said that men are warriors and have a wildness to their spirit that we women do not understand and we'd be better off trying never to tame it. Bad things ensue if we do.
True and True. Yet you insist on home improvement. 'Come along H things could be better'. Um --what happend to, I was the cats meow before we got married? What happend to WOA? Now its change this, why dont you... when are you going to.... also another version of trying to betaize us, which of course turns off your attraction when you succed. Which was the source of that misogynist freuds frustration. 'I gave her what she wants -- why doesnt she like me'?
LOL. It is what it is, so we may as well find the humor. Feel free to give your version of it -from the flipped side.
Cut her off from EC. Was insecure, non responsive, uncommunicative, all while letting OM pursue her unchallenged. Non protective, unassertive, lack of providing security.
What triggered all of these behaviours in you? What blew out your flame so suddenly, without warning? Did you cut the EC and assertiveness at the first sign of the EA, or was it something else earlier?
Hi Blackfoot, Great thread, and sooo true. My H is too placating I need him to take control once in a while.
Quote: If you are in a LTR, you can do the same even on a mild level. Go take a new activity class together, even if its just a couple hours, something as simple as rollerblading together or even milder, dance lessons.
Dance lessons! Just the best. We were doing salsa lessons a little while back to try to improve our EC by doing something together where we didn't need to talk. It was great! It did take about 5 or 6 lessons before I just spat it out and said to H if you want sex why not try me after salsa lessons! I could not believe he was being so dumb as not to notice how seductive it was to me -LOL
It was really noticeable however how some men in the dance class would just LEAD and some men (including my H ) would not. Now I am a feisty female but the whole point of dancing is that the man LEADS and the best dancers are the men who can lead a feisty female. And I guess it is the same with sex, we want the man to take the lead to show us we are desirable, to show us they have passions that are hard to deny. If a man takes no for an answer too readily it means he is a wimp. I am as right on as the next woman of my generation but there is a difference between No tee hee, mmm no not really and a serious NO I don't want to. And a man needs to be able to hear that difference.
I must get the mean gene book. That's what it is all about, the woman saying no is about not wanting a wimp to father her son (somewhere deep down at the gene level of consciousness that we are not really aware of). Of course we want to be respected but our genes put up those barriers for a reason, to check the man has what it takes to knock them down.
I am going to have to get H to read this thread.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Quote: Yet you insist on home improvement. 'Come along H things could be better'.
Actually he wants to move more than I do. Hates our neighbors and wants some wide open space. So your azzumption was not correct.
As far as the Reverse WOA, I no longer do this and haven't for a while. I shower him with praise and do my best to let my outward behavior reflect what my inner feelings are. You know how you can internally have all these wonderful feelings for your mate and then they walk in the door and you're less than enthralled and you go, What's up with me? Just 10 minutes ago I was excited about seeing them.
It's resentment of course, but what I realize now is that *I* hold the power to taming it. Before I was a hostage to my emotions.
Anyway, my original point was that a Striver I am not. I'm quite content with my lot in life, though there are weeks (like this one, when all 3 of my kids were vomiting) when I seriously question my sanity.
I'm with ya on the puking kids (we are on our second puker and waiting to see who gets it next) and not so much being a striver. I like having a nice home, attractive clothes etc... but I LOVE working at a non-profit so unless I win the lotto I will have a life I enjoy more so than a lot of things.
Funny thing about that resentment. It can creep in when you least expect it and be very subtle too.
You know how you can internally have all these wonderful feelings for your mate and then they walk in the door and you're less than enthralled and you go, What's up with me? Just 10 minutes ago I was excited about seeing them.
Oh boy, can I relate to that. Hate that feeling because I get mad at myself for switching gears so quickly. Doesn't seem possible. One minute I am so happy and the next, totally annoyed or drained. Maybe it's a woman thing
HP said: "You know how you can internally have all these wonderful feelings for your mate and then they walk in the door and you're less than enthralled and you go, What's up with me? Just 10 minutes ago I was excited about seeing them."
LFL said: "Oh boy, can I relate to that. Hate that feeling because I get mad at myself for switching gears so quickly. Doesn't seem possible. One minute I am so happy and the next, totally annoyed or drained."
Chrome says: Ditto. VERY weird feeling. Self-esteem coach called it a gloom response. Said the best way to get rid of it is to consciously avoid thinking about it. Don't feed the monster and it will die.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
K, I suspect my weight loss will be outstanding this week, as I feel like I'm going to join the pukefest shortly. Knot in my stomach won't go away, etc. Joy, can't wait.
I've been very lethargic lately. I'm feeling somewhat (ok, a lot) depressed this week. Nothing to do with my marriage but H is not the most supportive guy. Luckily I know to expect that, lol. My sister moved away yesterday and I'm in a maaaaaaaaaajor funk. She was about 80% of my support system. (oh how I wish I was exaggerating about that but I'm not--talk about putting all your social eggs in one basket) She is home with little kids herself and we spent a ton of time together. <cue hall and oates song "she's gone" hee hee)
Anyway, I've been tempted to rip into H this week because I'm sad and he backs away when I get like this, but you will be proud to know that I only made one comment. It aint his fault I'm sad and it's not his responsibility to pull me outta the funk.
But if he'd pull me outta my jammies I wouldn't complain.
He backs off when I'm bummed out and to be honest moping isn't all that attractive, really. What I need is some sexual healing. Where is Marvin when you need him.
I'll be in touch next week to let you know about the shaping up. I've eaten pretty good this week and last but have not exercised due to above mentioned lethargy and sadness.
P.S. Glad to hear that things are on the upswing with you and H! I would have responded on your thread but I am feeling excessively lazy today. xo
"But if he'd pull me outta my jammies I wouldn't complain."
Would you and BF and Mellanie quit with the jammies being pulled off stuff. Sheesh! I'm going to be out of town this weekend so there is no chance of PJ removal activities for the next couple of nights. Dangit!!!
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Quote: "You know how you can internally have all these wonderful feelings for your mate and then they walk in the door and you're less than enthralled and you go, What's up with me? Just 10 minutes ago I was excited about seeing them."
Absolutely! Sounds like this is a common feeling. It makes me feel bad when one moment I'm feeling good about her, then I see her and it's back to reality.
Hey, this is Hairdog's thread - whatever happened to him? Hasn't posted in two weeks..... I'm worried that he tried one of our suggestions, and Mrs. HD killed him.
) would not. Now I am a feisty female but the whole point of dancing is that the man LEADS and the best dancers are the men who can lead a feisty female. And I guess it is the same with sex, we want the man to take the lead to show us we are desirable, to show us they have passions that are hard to deny. If a man takes no for an answer too readily it means he is a wimp. I am as right on as the next woman of my generation but there is a difference between No tee hee, mmm no not really and a serious NO I don't want to. And a man needs to be able to hear that difference. 
