Hahaha Hairdog...she is good. A part of me really likes Mrs. Hairdog...the part that wants to sit in the living room with her, with coffee and chocolate, making " Down with Male Oppression" signs. Just had to get that out... now I'm back on your side.
But "anyone" is not propositioning her, YOU are. So her argument falls flat.
Look, I know that the LD person does not want to be in the position of rejecting..and knowing that they are hurting their partner. But that's sorta the reality of the situation, isn't it? Whether it's intentional or not, it's still rejection and it still stings.
Although I have become enlightened, differentiated, you name it, I still don't like being sexually rejected. Who does?
To think that a person gets to a point where they can laughingly brush it off as if it is nothing to them is ludicrous. If my emotional investment in the proposition was low enough that I wouldn't care about the outcome, then I probably wouldn't care enough to even initiate in the first place.
Sorry about the blowup. I hope it wasn't due to our 'suggestions'.
I have to echo Journey here. I know that Mrs. HD is a lady I would enjoy being friends with. I would probably never know of the issues in the M but would appreciate her intelligence, her wit and the occasional "I hate guys" diatribe.
Like, Journey, I am firmly on your side in the M arena. Your W needs to appreciate the needs of the R, your needs and that your aren't just "some man" you are her husband.
Ms. Hdog is a very likeable person, and I have no doubt that the various sassy/feisty women among you would enjoy sitting around with her and dissing the men, and, of course, discussing more weighty subjects. She is funny and smart and opinionated.
Honey: No, the blowup was not due to any of the "sexually aggressive" suggestions. We started fighting before she even got home. I don't want to replay it.
Blackfoot...okay, you have sufficiently stirred up the whole board, lol.
I cant imagine what fires I may have started? Need to get reading, I guess. The whole board? sheesh --I am not running around looking to justify or defend. anything good float up? or just crap?
NO nay sayers here? Just cautioning of temperance to this post? I seem to be losing my touch.
That post could have been better written. It was a combination of memories of x, memories of past gf, that seem to be flooding my brain after 9 years, even as my memories of her fade, (<ego to brain> WTH is going on around here? Who is in charge of this memory filing system? ) and synopsis of currrent interactions that lead to positive feedback. Serious lack of whys. will work on it.
I agree with you IHJ, she needs to have time to accept, and 'allow'.
BlackFoot......THANK YOU for the list of things that you do, seems I have been doing fair amount of it just need to "fine tune it". The getting up and walking away part in particular. I for one appreciate the fact that you make no excuses for being a man and who you are. I for months have been reading your posts and saying I wish this guy was up here in Big Sky land where we could have a few drinks and hang out so I could absorb some of this guys thought process. I guess I am here on the board, and fewer brain cells are dying in the process.
Hairdog, it appears too me that your W is a "controll person". My W is too and so was my M. It appears that these women don't think of how much they are affecting the family or rejecting thier H. If WE allow it they will not focus beyond their controlled enviroment and self made world, reality as they would like. This is were BF is saying don't let their "small" protests deter us. One thing that has helped me is "making her face the truth". For example your W saying "she doesn't want sex with any man". I would not have done this 5 years ago, but now I would say something like: I don't want you to have sex with ANY MAN but THIS MAN whom you proclaim to love, whom you made committments too whom you have made a life with. TO consider me ANY MAN is a dishonor our marrige and to dishonor me, your husband and to most of all to dishonor yourself. Then I'd let her be and stew .
thank you, It was very hard hitting the enter button on that post. I have this very uncharacteristic reaction when I post here, to not be too detailed or graphic. IRL, I have no qualms....
I have no intention or desire to imply a specific guy or any of the guys dont do or know this. Most of them acted aggresive, assertive, leading in the beginning of their R. It gets lost over time. And then her desire does too. vicious circle.
The point in stopping something that she likes is simple, but complicated. A woman will say, I liked that, so the man wil do it over and over and over just like that with no change. why? cause when he likes something, he wants more. MORE MORE MORE MORE. Just like the first one. LOL. For her though it soon becomes an irritation, like chinese water torture. This applies weather its rubbing her hands, or rubbing her clit.
A simple manuver like slowly backing your W up against a wall opening her robe, or taking her towel, then running your finger slowly slowly slowly, down the center of her body from chin to belly button, will petrify her in a good way. (if she resists slightly at the start, say ' relax, I dont want to have sex with you,....... right now. Sheesh --is that all you ever think about'? --If she reallly resists alot, stop dumbazz.)
Do it 20 times in a row and its going to bore her to death.
Then if you kiss her and leave it, she knows what you intended, knows what you were thinking about, and is now thinking about it too, but cant figure out why you left. Why why why her mind will go around and around. Keeping her thinking about it, and 'marinating' in the moment. Marinating is good for them.
anything that makes them go why did he do that, what did he mean by that, things that engage their mind and cannot be dismissed easily, unlike that annoying tap on the shoulder she recieves, when her head hits the pillow, thats says, to her 'Honey can we have sex, please?'
Easily shruged away with, 'Im tired'. or a big sigh that is then overly personalized.
in the end, even 'trying' to get a reaction can become annoying and predictable in itself.
I think IHJ was actually giving you a compliment, not criticizing your writing/posting skills. IMHO.
HD:
I would like to know something... how was the sex? Was it quick, was it slow... did she O? how did your W act all day long AFTER you ML? I don't necessarily want play by plays, but I am curious.
While I think BF's suggestions are quite excellent (knock off the self-deprecation, bf, it doesn't become you... your writing/post was great), I might throw out a caution to you, depending on how you respond.
I'm sitting here wondering how/why the hell your spouse cheated on you BF?! Maybe I haven't read the relevant threads to your sitch. Cocky confidence is powerful. I need my H to read your posts.
Do it 20 times in a row and its going to bore her to death.
Over kill. My H is seriously guilty of this. If he percieves I like something he did he does it over and over and over again until it takes on a feeling of a ritual. Then it no longer is pleasing.
Ill move her around on the couch, and adjust her to fit me so I/we are comfortable. I dont ask if she is.
Yeah I think this is the first thing you have posted BF that would put us in fighting mode. My H does this and it pisses me off when I am all comfy and snug and he dislodges me to snuggle with him making me uncomfortable. I always tell him if I am comfy and he wants to snuggle he needs to be the uncomfy one. Not me.
I cant imagine what fires I may have started? Need to get reading, I guess. The whole board? sheesh --I am not running around looking to justify or defend. anything good float up? or just crap? 
