Well, New Year's Day was pretty much W and I, D spent most to the day with her friends, and came home after dinner. For me, it was back to work today, we had last Thursday and Friday off, but no today...??? Weird. Shoulda had Friday and Monday off instead.
Well, I pulled a bone-head maneuver, I re-registered with the old BB in order to get access to my old threads that are in the "Archives" there -- It's basically my Journal for the last year, so I wanted to print it out. I asked the "Tech" admin., if he could copy my threads and zip them and send them to me, but it was "too much trouble" or something... A Tech can't run a database query on threads started by 'xyz' and copy them to a file? C'mon, I'm not stupid.
I created this whole fake persona, which was totally ridiculous, the shear thought of the way I described my "supposed W" was a total joke -- I made it seem way too petty/picky. I just needed enough posts to open up access to another forum on the page, to get some articles, and I already had the access to the Archives just by registering.
However, I figured they'd be looking for me to do just that, so I created the fake persona. Then I was going to sit and wait for a week or so before accessing the Archives, figured they wouldn't be looking by then and it would be safe by then.
My mistake is I trusted a couple people -- Never Trust Anyone Online Again -- and either the admins checked my "Private Messages", or the recipient sent them to the admins, but I got some lame excue in an email from the admin how I "trashed and turn it around on my W". The whole thing was a farse, a total joke, and anyone who believed it, fell for it, deserved it. Anyway, they deleted all that and one admin said I should have just re-registered and got my old posts. I asked for permission to so in a week or 2, but got no reponse. I don't know if that is an "OK" or a forget it, but I may try in a few weeks.
I noticed one thing wrong with me the last month or so. I cut back on my medications, trying to get off them, very slowly since I have been on them so long, years now. I take Paxil for anxiety and depression, and my mind was flip-flopping like a fish out of water, and I knew I had no control. I went back to the full dose, and have calmed down a lot. I see my doc in 2 days, and I am definitely going to dicuss this with him. I have seen stories in the news where people can't get off this stuff, and I was backing down really slowly, but lost it. I'm afraid I may be one of those people who now has to take the stuff the rest of my Life, and that truly scares me.
This evening was good, W and I are doing well. D is being a bit selfish -- she wants an iPod for her B'day, which is months away. We told her to aske for $$$ for her B'day, she got all upset and stomped down to her room.
It's a New Year and W and I put a lot behind us the other night on our date, we had a blast. It's is so great to be able to go out and have fun with my W. I don't appreciate the way guys in bars or pool halls look at her and act toward her, but then again, she gives them the "get the *&#% away look", and I am just glad she is with me. She's beautiful, she's MY W!!! And, SHE Loves ME!!!
