I must admit that my actions on the other BB weren't very nice either, I did blow my stack, but it was after having to repeat myself time and time again, I just got really frustrated and blew a fuse.
As for my W's list, I'm not sure exactly, but she keeps bringing up a bunch of stuff from the past, many year ago, and this has been fueled by a member of the other BB I was on. We were doing so well moving forward, then this set us back a bit.
I'm not a great guy, just your average guy, but I applied the PMA and Act As If and really did start even before she left. I think the turning point for W was when I really started to "get a Life", going out when a few people after work and such. I think she saw that as me out having fun, and her sitting in her apartment with our D and no money to go do things.
As for the debt, we've gone thru this for years, so I've already given up on that, you know, trying to teach her money management, but when she was on her own, she learned that first hand, and does a pretty good job now. Many of her other actions last year were typical of someone having an affair, so those don't really bother me because you can never try to understand what is going on in the head of someone who is doing such things. Most of that kind of behaviour is gone now, and only lasted during her affair.
The last few weeks before she moved out, we really got along very well, and when I have asked W why she moved out anyway, she explained it was the guilt, she needed time away to work thru that. She said it hurt her to see my face each night when she came, prior to moving out, because of what she had done and how she had hurt me. Also, she'd already signed her lease and bought new furniture, so it was like she "had" to do that.
Actually, having that "break" in our marriage, though painful and lonely at first, was really a good thing, it has drawn us closer than we had been in many years.
As for staying calm, I was a total wreck at first, when she dropped the bomb, then the next night she said she wanted to separate, then the next night, divorce. But I immediately started seaching the web for help, order Michele's books, and an ebook, and read read read until I understood the techniques and principles, and applied them full force. I had to do it for me, and I did, and then I caught her attention, and she became interested in me again.
