I don't know how deep the damage of my A goes....I just don't know. What I did may not be fixable. So, to that extent, I *am* the evil one. I just wish if he feels that way, he would let me go because this is killing me.
That seems reasonable but the A damage not being fixable is relative. It is up to your H to forgive you. You cannot fix the damage. You can only do your part to be the woman YOU want to be. You are already doing all you can to prove your intentions and demonstrate your understanding of what you did. I don't think you can do much more other than keep doing it until he either begins the forgiving process or decided he can't ever do that.
Why do you think I owe it to myself, what do you mean by that?
I just mean because of all the work you have put in thus far. It seems to me that if he is still there, then it's not over unless he really is ONLY interested in watching you squirm. I guess I just have hope for you, and I think you do too.
