Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

Last night, H came home, we didn't even exchange words. I wasn't angry, I just had nothing to say. I felt empty. I don't know how he felt, but he didnt' say anything either. After the kids were in bed, he left to go get movies and while he was gone, I went to bed.

When H was on his way home from work last night he called and talked to S5 practically his whole way home. I heard S5 say "No, I wasn't the last one there....". I don't know why H is trying to make the kids feel like I don't care enough about them to pick them up early.....like I said, I don't know what is up with his job, but he leaves the house after me in the mornings, takes long lunches and still gets out an hour to an hour 1/2 before me to pick them up. I don't get out of work until 5:00pm and if I walk out the door RIGHT at 5pm, I'm not gonna get to their school until 5:30 earliest. And who gets out the door RIGHT at 5pm? So, it's usually like 5:45 and the school closes at 6pm. THe comment I heard S5 answer on the phone along with him telling me that Daddy told him I always get there too late when I pick them up, I feel like H is trying to make me and the kids feel like I'm being negligent because I can't get there sooner.

This morning wasn't any better than last night. Worse actually because last night, at least no words were spoken. This morning, I come out to brush the kids' teeth and H and the kids are lying on the couch. I say "Sit up guys so we can get your teeth brushed." D3 says "We're cuddling". Daddy says "Awwe. Can't we just stay here all day and cuddle?" And I just stand there waiting for them to sit up with toothbrushes in hand. This is the way it is on a lot of mornings. H sits on the couch and cuddles with them while I get ready, but somehow I always end up looking like the bad guy because I'm trying to hurry everyone along. I am 15 mins late for work every day, which my boss doesn't mind, but that's not the point.
This morning I just asked the kids "Guys, you want Daddy to take you to daycare today?" They answer yes. I say "Is that ok Daddy?" He just looks at me and expresses disapproval, I can't even remember exactly what he did/said. I say "I can take them, but it's 7:15. I need to get them up and their teeth brushed and out the door if I'm going to take them....I just need your help." He says "I got S5 dressed and got his cereal. I'll take them, don't worry about it". I say ok. He then brushes their teeth right away. I get my stuff together and say "If you're going to finish getting them ready, I can take them. I just need ot get going." He says "I'll handle it". I said "Ok, I just feel like if you're going to take the extra time, then you need to be prepared to take them to school if it starts meaning I'm going to be late." He said "I don't need a lecture from you." I said "I'm not trying to give you a lecture." He said "I don't need your opinions, your voice, nothing." I just said whatever, kissed the kids and left.

Wanna take bets that H is going to start that thing where I won't be 'allowed' to take the kids to daycare anymore? Monday morning, I already know how it will go.