My working dinner is tonight. Until this morning nothing else has been said about it between H and I. This morning after we got the kids in their car seats, I followed H back into the house and stood by the door and said "I understand that you have concerns about my dinner tonight. I will let you know where we are going as soon as I know and I will call you when I get there. I also won't have anything to drink if you'd prefer that." He mumbles "I forgot that was even tonight" and he walks down the hallway away from me. I said "Can I finish talking to you?" He said "What" but he didnt' come back out where I could see him. I said "Ok, I guess I am finished talking." He said "I have to get ready for work" and he went in the bathroom and shut the door.
I went out the front door then came back in and almost...almost...opened the bathroom door. But I didn't. I turned around and walked out of the house. I said what I needed to say, I validated as much as I could. On the way to work, I thought about his reaction. I keep thinking that if he wants me to be more considerate, less selfish, then you'd think he'd acknowledge it when I try. He shot me down. Why would anyone set themselves up for that? It was hard to do what I did this morning. I didn't want to validate his feelings, I practically don't even care what his feelings are anymore because I can't separate fact from fiction anymore when it comes to him. But I did it. And I got nothing.
But then I started thinking....this isn't about him...it's me I'm trying to change.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
