On the one hand, I need to be careful how I express myself if I want my words to be taken seriously. On the other hand, I just put it out there. It's me, it's how I feel

Which of these hands is more goal oriented?

How we argue can be constructive or destructive. Venting, cursing, may be how you feel, but it's not a good tool with which to seek resolutions, right? It's just more ammo that's going to escalate matters.

It could very well be that even if you peaceably and reasonably sought a resolution, H is still going to hold to his line. You can only do what you can do, however, and either you have a partner that's willing to work with you on an equal basis or not.

I tell H that he was wrong to object last night and he asks me "Yeah, that was nice. Why would you even do that, why would you even go there?" We argue... I do understand that I have to change my reactions to his bait...

Yeah, well, telling someone that they're wrong usually puts them on a defensive position too, and they think they've got a point and then you both go about trying to reason with the other while also countering the other's premise. Works well with debate teams, but not so well with two people involved with each other. More's involved.

And "reactions"? Hoo boy, "act", don't "react". Count to ten. Think it through.

What I've gotten out of your interactions, in part, is that H sees you as 'always wanting things your way' for which he feels discounted, right or not, but do you ever get things to be your way? It seems when you speak of those times where you assert what you'd like to see happen, H goes about sabotaging your wishes/plans by his actions passive-aggressively.

This behavior suggests a lot of pent up frustration/resentment/anger he's holding in. However, I also get from your posts that a lot of that frustration/resentment/anger is his own creation, but for which he faults you; sees you as the cause, and doesn't really see his contribution to the dynamics between the two of you, nor cares to accept responsibility for any of it.

His thinking that the C won't help may be his way of sabotaging that avenue in order to keep the relationship status quo instead of having to potentially face himself, change himself and his modus operandi down the road, and/or face the real problems in the marriage.

But changing my reactions.....is that going to solve these problems?

It may solve some (doubtful, but who knows?), not others, but it sure may make the day-to-day living with the problems a bit easier by not exacerbating them into the all too familiar pattern that doesn't go anywhere.

Try putting things in a less offensive manner, make them about you. For example, instead of "I think you were wrong last night", drop that line and just go on to something like "I was thinking over last night's events and I thought/feel that it may be better if S/D..." Instead of ""H, we're either married or we're not. If we are, you have my everything including my support. If we're not, then fu@k you" may work better as "I feel that if indeed we are to work together as a married couple, that means we support one another freely. I know, for my part, one of the things that stops me is that I feel I don't have that kind of support from you."

How to interact sure is something the MC may be able to help you with better.

Again, even if you try the above suggestion, it could very well be H will still look to maneuver around, find blame, see it as you being all about you. Kind of a victim-like mentality, instead of really "hearing" you. Hey, you can only talk about you, right? You are the only person officially authorized to talk about you.

Despite whatever problems/issues/dysfunctional behavior you may have in the way your part in this relationship goes, you're still up against a partner who's somewhat dysfunctional himself; that's the circumstances you've signed on for, so to speak. Ultimately, if you do the work on your end, he's going to have to do the work on himself, or you're going to struggle.

From my perspective, can you really say that the power struggle is mine when all I'm asking for is

It's not a matter of if you're right or not or being reasonable or not, it's more a matter of that you both then engage in a power struggle type of interaction. You're going to have to both learn how to replace that pattern with something better to resolve issues with.