Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

Last night I suggested that S5 sit in my lap while reading the bedtime story. H was the first to object, S5 folowed suit. I said Ok, I'll tell you what, you guys read your story and I'll be back in to say goodnight. S5 says "yey".

This morning, I am getting S5 out of his bed and I heard H behind me saying "I'll get him". H is always still asleep at this point in the morning. I ignore H, so he leans in to hug S5 and of course S5 leans into him and H takes him. I have no idea why he is even awake at this point in the morning. All he does is make everything difficult in the mornings. He sits on the couch with the kids while I finish getting ready and when he is there, the kids won't let me do anything. I can't comb D3's hair, put their coats on, nothing. So I am always at H's mercy with how fast he is willing to move and he knows it.

I tell H that he was wrong to object last night and he asks me "Yeah, that was nice. Why would you even do that, why would you even go there?" We argue.

Did I push an issue that I shouldn't have? I feel like something has happened, since the day he had his C appt, he has acted differently. It may just be a coincidence, I don't know. But he has not treated me with any kind of respect or consideration since that day and the good vibes between up ended quite obviously when he took S5 to the toystore despite my objection. He deliberately picked that fight. I don't know if he's trying to get us to a place where he can excuse himself from counseling or what. We were cooperating and coparenting pretty well there for a while except for the bedtime with S5. Now everything is backsliding and I don't understand why.

I do understand that I have to change my reactions to his bait...I get so furious at the ridiculousness of it all and so very frustrated that he can't also see how ridiculous and unnecessary all of these power struggles are. From my perspective, can you really say that the power struggle is mine when all I'm asking for is a 9:30 bedtime for our 5 year old son? I can see maybe if we were arguing over an 8 vs 8:30 bedtime, but I have yet to meet a person who thinks 10pm is a reasonable bedtime for a 5 year old. So who is pulling the power struggle there? My son hasn't sat in my lap when H was home in gosh I don't know, it might be easier to say how many times he HAS sat with me while H was home. I could probably count on one hand. I could also count on one hand the number of times I have taken S5 somewhere without H if he was not travelling. He on the other hand implemented boys night out with S5 (without discussing it with me). Who is pulling the power struggles????

I admit that I don't react well and I have to change that. Or do I? At least in the short term I do. But changing my reactions.....is that going to solve these problems? I just don't know about that.

And ok, so changing my reactions in the short term. Should I have never asked for S5 to sit in my lap? Whould that be changing? Or should I have just acted like it didn't bother me and sat there through the story like I always do? Continue to act like it doesn't bother me that when we play I Spy, I ALWAYS go last, S5 laughs when I get the pages no one else wants, and tease me because I pick out the easy things for them to spy? This all sounds so trivial, but do you see that it sets the tone for me? That it all points to "We don't really want you here, but if you must, at least we can be entertained". Am I too sensitive?

I thought about letting them have their story and time and then I will sit in the chair with S5 for a few minutes. This perpetuates the ridiculous bedtime routine and prolongs his bedtime even further, albeit just a few minutes. But my point is that I have to concur with the very thing that we argue about just to get some affection/cuddle time with my son.