Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

Ok, here's an example of a conversation where my big mouth gets me in trouble.

I call H this morning to tell him something about the kids' ice skates for the class I called on yesterday. I asked him if he was going to tell me why he was acting so ornery toward me yesterday. He said "I didn't think I was, I was just stressed out about not having the right directions, etc." So we sort of smoothed over yesterday's disagreement, and based on my above posts, I was going to let it go. We have a nice chat about S5's karate.

Then I ask him if 12:00 is a good time for the C appt, I need to call today and set it up. He says yes it's fine, I'm not going to be able to go every week, it's just something I don't really have time for in my life right now and I don't see where it's going to do much good anyway....it feels like it might do more harm than good."
We discuss that some and I say we'll just have to take it as it comes. He talks about travelling and how he won't be able to go if he's travelling. I told him that if he really anticipates travelling that much, I don't understand why he doesn't look for other work. He said "Actually, I was. I even had a job lined up..." Meaning the job with my company. I said "Oh, come on, my company isn't the only company you can get a job with." He says "Sure, I can get a job with another contractor, but I'd still be travelling." I mentioned certifications he could get online, whatever. I said he hasn't even looked into his options. He insists that he doesn't have any options and I push and say that he does he just doesn't like them. He insists that he needs to go back to school full time and work a few hours to pay for his truck payment and I handle everything else like I got to do back in the day before we had kids. But he says he can't because I have to have everything my way. I said "H, I'm not saying thatI won't support you in that effort, just not right now." He said "Right, because you can't have everything your way." I said "No, because we're just not there right now, and it's not my decision that we're not there right now." He said "Yep, exactly. Heather can't have everything she wants the way that she wants it." I said "H, we're either married or we're not. If we are, you have my everything including my support. If we're not, then fu@k you". Oops, how did that come out of my mouth? He said "There, you just said it. It's my way or the highway. I'm not talking about this, I have people all around me." I said Ok and he hung up.

I said how I feel, but those words were probably better off left unsaid, huh?!