Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

S5 rarely gets in deep trouble. I came home from work one day a couple weeks ago and H had made him go to his room. That's only the second time that's ever happened. S5 had gotten his name on the board for not listening at school so H sent him to his bed and took his blankets away. When I got home, I went down to his room so he could tell me in his own words why he was in trouble. He explained it to me and I told him that he was going to need to do a better job at listening. I hugged him and told him I loved him and that he needed to finish his time out. Toward the end of his time out, S5 was calling out to H-S5 had been silent up to this point except he was crying to himself. H ignored him. A second later, D3 called out to Daddy and Daddy says "Yeah baby?" I'm sure S5 heard Daddy respond to his sister but not to him. I quietly told H it was not nice to ignore S5, you don't ignore people you love. I called down to S5 "S5, we're not talking right now because you're in time out". That was the extent of my involvement. I am all for discipline, but I think kids are very fragile feeling that when you are angry with them that you don't love them anymore. I want my kids to understand that they are ALWAYS loved even when they are in trouble.
As for aruguing about bedtime, I've pretty much given up. I stick to the bedtime that H has set....if I didn't say anything, he'd go past that time as well. So, at 9:30 I speak up telling S5 it's bedtime and H doesn't argue. It's only if I try to implement an earlier bedtime that there is problems. It's definitely not good to argue about it in front of S5.

MIL didn't really express an opinion although the subject came up because SIL was there too and a funny story came up about something her son said about Uncle Matt (my H) still having toys and being a kid so to speak. Nephew was commenting that he didn't want to be a grown up b/c grown ups never have any fun...unless he could be like Uncle Matt. I agreed and said "Yes, H is very much like a kid, where even at bedtime it is H not S5 pleading for just one more game" I laughed it off and then MIL said "Yep, that's exactly what S5 told me....." and it went like that.

If he avoids intimacy, then does that mean he just wants a lay?

He denies that and I don't really see that as being the case either. There are degrees of intimacy and sex with H is by no means cold and unfeeling, one-sided or mechanical. But neither is it loving. Caring maybe but not loving.

I'm sorry, I'm a bit repulsed by his climbing into bed with you, that's just me.

Does it make you less repulsed to know that I told him it was ok? We had a R conversation that left things a little distant. I didn't want any negativity from our discussion to carry over so I told him to come sleep with me when he went to bed that night and I left my door open. He may have thought I was inviting sex, but I wasn't.