Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

Actually, I just double checked H's appt card and his appt is actually Wed not Tues.

Update:
We're back to discussing remodeling our house. It was his idea to reopen the topic. He has drawn out the plans and taken measurements and everything. So I feel optimistic about that.
We had a good weekend, Sat was D2's birthday party~she is now D3. We cooperated well and got along and made a lot of eye contact over the weekend. We'd look up at each other and smile whenever the kids did something cute. There was some affectionate smacks on the behind, stuff like that.

H is drinking O'Douls every night. Part of me feels like I shouldn't care, as he says he isn't hurting anyone or anything. O'Douls doesn't change his personality or affect him in any way that should concern me. Right? For some reason, wrong. I still find it highly invasive in our lives. I can't explain why any further than to say what I've said. It's invasive.
The bedtime for S5 is still a problem. Nothing has changed there. My MIL told H and I that her and S5 were reading a magazine where it talked about what you love most about your family so she asked him what he loved most about Daddy. He told her that he loved when it was time for bed he would argue with me and say 'just one more game' and he gets to stay up later. She asked him what he loved about his Mommy and he said he loves it when he's in time out, I always come down and hug him and tell him I love him. She asked what he loved about his sister and he looked at her, she was bouncing off the walls, and then looked at MIL and said "She's just plain ole crazy!!" Cute. But there it is, from the mouths of babes.

A week or so ago, H tried to sleep in my bed. This would have been the second time. If you recall, the first time he did this, we had sex. This time, I stuck to my guns and pretty much ignored his advances. He eventually got up and left, nicely touching my arm before he left. He later told me he had to leave because he couldn't stop thinking about 'it'. Who knows how long all of this will go on. It's been 18 months since I've been kissed or even allowed in my bed. It's so sad, but when everything else goes well, it seems like something I can live with. Of course I don't want to, but I suppose I can. I pray it doesn't come down to that.

That's pretty much where we're at.