Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

I had my first session with our MC yesterday afternoon. I really, really liked her. She had some interesting suggestions about H's behavior that no one else has suggested. My other counselors have not made any attempt to determine why H acts the way he does, perhaps this C is only doing so b/c she knows she will be meeting him as well, I don't know.
She suggested that H is an intimacy avoider. That is a possibility I haven't considered yet. By the time the session was over, she said she still had a million questions. I am so curious to see how these sessions turn out. It will be a very important piece of learning to listen and trust my inner voice because right now I have this gnawing feeling that the people who support me only support me because they haven't heard H's side and that I've somehow colored things in my favor with people even though I feel like I've tried to be fair and objective. This will be the first time that someone who has heard my side of the story will also hear my H's. If counseling does nothing else for us, just this alone will do a great deal for me personally. I need someone else to confirm the things I've seen and felt. I don't know why my own feelings on tehse issues aren't enough, they just aren't.

I have not had a change of heart on the employment issue. For me, it's still a no go. I don't think I've ever had to practice this much self restraint around someone I am supposed to feel safe with. It's such a shame.

I need to think about some goals for 2006, I haven't done that yet.