After re-reading my list of questions, I hope that you don't get the impression that I think you are miserable B%$#*! My intent was to ask you questions to get you find some of the positives in your life, R/M.
I agree with Kashka's observation. I think you are in a lot of pain right now and it is showing. I also agree that you shouldn't pressure yourself or H w/a timeline or the job situation.
