This is going to have to be one hell of a counselor. I'm realizing that this is our last hope and I'm almost at the point where I think it's hopeless. . . Is it just because I don't love this person?
Heather,
Maybe you need to take a step back and look at your sitch again. Some questions of my own.
Do you love H?
Why do you want to stay in this R?
Can you find anything to be happy about?
Can you find anything in your R/M to be happy about?
Can you find anything about H to be happy about?
Some questions I found in a book.
Do you really want to save your M or are you ultimately concerned and fearful of the financial drain of a D and the need to alter your lifestyle?
Do you need H rather than love him?
Do you believe you should stay to protect S5 & D2?
Do you need to protect H?
Do you live in the fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Are you afraid of what H might do? Are you fearful of his anger and hostility and dare not confront him?
Is your self-esteem battered to the degree that you believe you cannot function independently?
Do you feel locked into a role of assuming responsibility and stability?
Have you through the constant habit of vigilantly watching him; attempting to predict the eruptions and moderate the tension, lost sight of your self?
Does a part of you like this excitement?
Have you learned to tolerate and put up with a great deal of stress, unpredictability and capriciousness from your spouse?
Are you immune to the ante being raised each time?
I'm not saying stay and I'm not saying go. This is your decision and yours alone. These are some questions that we may need to ask ourselves in order to justify to ourselves whether we want to keep working to resuscitate our R's.
