Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

(Mellanie) Sometimes I just shake my head when I hear how some people treat each other.

You aren't kidding! It's shameful.

(HopeFloats) Maybe if it happens again, you might play it differently, so you feel a little more in control of your boundaries. But you have to go with what feels right to you.

Yes, I did what felt right and I really can't blame myself for that. Next time, like you said, I will play it a little differently, with more caution.

(Tim) It takes 2 to tango!

My H hasn't figured that out yet. And I can't be the one to tell him. It's like a parent/teenager thing. There are some things people just have to realize on their own and the more one pushes the more the other resists. I sure wish his epiphany would hurry the he!! up.

(Tim) I was so close but had my wife contact the OM the other day and take a major step back! I think in my case I dwell on what should be and what did happen instead of thinking of what great things can happen over time!

We all have backslides in our situations. It's destiny My favorite thing lately is to tell myself three steps forward, two steps back. But focus on the step forward that remains. That way I keep optimistic and am not surprised or disappointed when the steps backward come. Because I know they will!! It's hard. It's hard to focus on what's right when there's so much that's wrong that it practically overshadows anything right.

(Koshka) I just found your new thread yesterday (sorry I missed your birthday!)

Thanks, glad you found me!

(Koshka) how are the rest of your interactions with H? Is he making good on the therapy/counseling? Will you be in MC together?

The majority of interactions with H have improved. There for a while we were actually loving toward one another. That isn't the case lately, but we're still improved over what we were.
Regarding the counseling, Still_Hopeful suggested that I call the DB coach for a suggestion on a counselor. I did that, but they don't recommend anymore. So I went with the recommendation from my IC and I'm waiting for them to call me back to set up an appt (they are veryifying ins info). It sounds like he intends to make good on it, but it remains to be seen. I have been slack in setting up the appt, but I got my behind moving yesterday and I mentioned it to him.

(Koshka) But if you do have some good things going on, don't discount them yet. Go back to your plan and be clear about your boundaries.

Well said, thanks!

(Bud) You feel tricked. But you don't know if he meant to trick you or not.

This is true. He said he had no intentions of having sex that night. He said he wanted to and made that clear, but that was not his intent in sleeping in my bed. I asked him why he hasn't wanted to sleep in my bed since then and he said he has. Thinking back, I should have inquired exactly what he meant by that, but I didn't. So you're right. I don't know if he meant to trick me or not. If he did, I bet he won't do it again

(Bud) That sounds to me like you're getting more toward a "take it or leave it" place, which seems pretty healthy for you right now. And maybe a little threatening to him. Too damb bad.

Yeah, I think I am at take it or leave it. I've been so reluctant to agree with him when he says "Things have to be YOUR way...". Now I'm starting to agree. Yes, they do. Certain things. It's about knowing myself, my boundaries, what I want out of a marriage and what kind of parents I believe we should be for our children. I'm not a dictator and I don't think I'm unreasonable. So yeah, he can take it or leave it because I'm not denying who I am and how I feel anymore.

(Bud) So cheer up a little! He doesn't own your emotions or your happiness. You're great, Heather, and he'll either figure that out or wish he had. Okay?

Okay