H has not slept in my bed again since the night I wrote about. The next night it was just like all previous nights with him going to bed in our room and me sleeping in the study.
I'm sorry, Heather. I'm sorry your sitch is messed up. I'm glad you're not!
The part that makes it so hurtful...
You feel tricked. But you don't know if he meant to trick you or not. He's obviously been confused before (most of the time, I'd argue) so maybe he was confused himself on where you guys were going after that. Then he retreated. Who knows?
But he invited it to such a great extent that to not initiate would have been a rejection if that makes sense.
Well, at this point you know that next time he's inviting a rejection if he chooses this course. It's not on you to accommodate him.
But it left me once again asking myself what the hell I'm hanging on for.
That sounds to me like you're getting more toward a "take it or leave it" place, which seems pretty healthy for you right now. And maybe a little threatening to him. Too damb bad.
OTOH, you know what you're hanging on for, and you'll continue to hang on as long as it's worth it. When it becomes clear that it's not, you know you have options and you'll be okay. A lot better than okay, in fact.
So cheer up a little! He doesn't own your emotions or your happiness. You're great, Heather, and he'll either figure that out or wish he had. Okay?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
