Learning to Trust Myself V

[heatherg]

Thanks! On the down side, I didn't get your replies before I initiated my conversation. On the upside, guess who slept with her H last night? Me!!! Not in our bed, but in "mine". I think we may have come to an understanding. For the longest time, the things he said to hurt me didn't cease to amaze me-and he still has his moments, like yesterday. However, these last few weeks, he is amazing me by trying to take my feelings into consideration. I am completely wowed.

He is afraid to welcome me into my bed before things are steadily amicable and peaceful and loving because he is afraid that things will go back to where they were and he will be the one who feels uncomfortable in his own bed. I never told him he couldn't sleep in his own bed, but it seems I wasn't always very welcoming either. He said "Let's just be nice to each other for a while Heather and see where that takes us". I said "Theoretically, that's great. Realistically, things go on around here that are not very nice. Such as me sleeping in a room that is not my own and me being the only one wearing a wedding ring, etc. So, who decides what's being nice? I'm not trying to split hairs, but you see the dilemma. You want me to be nice to you while you continue with some behaviors that I find not very nice at all."

Something we said to each other must have been heard. Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty great today!

Thank you for your words of caution. Overall, I think you were right. I took a chance and am thankful it came out with a good ending. I guess I'm just to the point where I'm willing to try, but I'm accepting my limitations. Before, I used to doubt myself and tell myself I didn't have the right to feel this way or that. Well, I think I'm done with all that. I think I've learned to trust myself folks. I know what I need to make this R work....I know the level of effort that I need to see from H. I'm learning to spot abuse when I see it and I'm learning how to handle myself better in those situations. I know disrespect when I see it. I also recognize it when the disrespect comes from me. I know when to apologize and when to stick to my guns. When I finally trusted myself enough to set boundaries and tell him firmly what I need from him, it seems that he really is trying to give it. What a great way to start the new year!!!