Okay, guys, today I need a little input from y'all. S19 has gotten involved in an internet romance with a girl he met on an anime online community (one of his interests). Not in and of itself a problem for me, he's a very young 19 and maybe starting with a long-distance thing could be good practice for the real thing in the future. (He's never had a real girlfriend, only gone on a few dates with friends). However - there is a problem with this particular situation.
The girl is only 16. She lives 1500 miles away. She has issues with her parents and with depression. She actually threatened suicide last month (over family problems) and my son ended up calling the police in her town to go to her house. (They were just friends at that point).
I told son at that time that he really should be careful that the R remained just friends, as I didn't think it was a good thing for her to be involved in anything more (and for him, if she was unstable). So he was reluctant to tell me it had developed into something more romantic, he just told me yesterday.
Anyway - the problem I see is this. The girl's parents don't know she is speaking to my son. When the police came after the suicide attempt, they were not too happy to find out some stranger on the internet knew her name and phone number to call the police.
I told my son that I felt that was wrong, that she is still a minor and that the respectful thing to do would be to come clean and introduce himself. (He is, btw, a very responsible kid, non-smoking, no drugs or alcohol, virgin, very young for his age. If he were dating a 16 year old in real life, I wouldn't think her parents would have a problem with it if they knew him.)
She doesn't want to do so because she expects her parents will cut off her internet and phone privileges if they know.
S now wants me to talk to her in an email and is asking me to give her some advice about her depression and PMS problems.
Of course, as a parent, I would be livid if I found out my teenage daughter was having a romantic (if innocent) R with an unknown 19 year old college man behind my back, and even more livid if I found out his mother was offering my daughter advice.
I'm wrestling with how to respond to my son, how to avoid communicating with her without confirming her fear that I would "hate" her, how to encourage them to do the right thing without appearing to be "the enemy" who opposes their R. (I do worry a little about her being a drama queen and about my S's predisposition to be a rescuer, but thank goodness she is so far away that nothing will likely ever come of it. And I hate to burst his bubble, he's so happy to have a "girlfriend".)
How would you handle this?
(BTW - I expressed some of these concerns to my S yesterday and I have to say he wrote me a wonderfully mature email this morning, bless him.)
