Ok...What I asked you for is for YOUR defition of complete sexual fulfillment, I didn't want you to go look it up somewhere in a book...it really didn't take research, the answer for you should have been fairly easy. I wanted your off-the-cuff response because that's truly where your definition of it lays....not in a book.
I know, pretty much without a shadow of a doubt that your definition and her definition are not going to be the same. I suspect they will be nowhere near the same. Not to mention that when I read what you put in your response....I knew your W wouldn't have taken that as her definition.
Ok...you think your W's #1 need is probably financial security. I really don't want me to tell you what you "think" she'd say, I want you to tell me what she would/did say. "Thinking" still leads you down a blind path. Telling me "she's told me xyz" is a step towards communication...and gives you a stronger direction to move in.
It appears to me that you are wanting us to tell you the steps your W can take to make herself HD, if I understood you correctly. CeMar, we cannot do that. I know that's not the answer you want, but we simply cannot do that. For each person discovering (or rediscovering as the case may be) is an individual journey/process, it's different for each person. There isn't a progressive list of things for her to do to become what you want, if you are suddenly Mr. Perfect. However, this is something a good MC can help with. No, he/she probably can't tell her to do xyz....but they will give her things to think about, he/she will give assignments to help ease her into certain things she might not have thought of.
Do not become disillusioned with MC's if you haven't tried them yourself CeMar. I cannot impress on you enough how much ours has helped our M....in many ways. She has helped us in areas that had to be dealt with first before we could even think about addressing the sexual aspect of our R...and that is now what we are directing our sessions towards more and more.
Our MC doesn't address "desire" per-say because it's too general, but she does address "behaviors", your definition of want/desire would fall into a behavior, and THAT we have addressed. I have explained to my H and our MC that there are behaviors I need to see from my H to show me he "Wants/Desires" me....he is now starting to exhibit those behaviors more and more....and he is beginning to fall into that behavior naturally now as well....enjoying it more and more too.
I'm not going to snowball you, you probably know that about me by now. You and your W have issues, and you know your issues aren't all sexually related. There's much more going on for each of you and you two as a couple...but you don't share that with us....so we can't direct you any better than we have. I truly believe you two need MC in order to start finding your way back to each other and that will take time. Sometimes it's merely a matter of having the MC act as a mediator and make sure things aren't taken out of context to get someone to see the problem.....sometimes it takes longer because there are truly issues to address.
However, not trying something based upon things you've read on here...is foolish. You might be discounting the one thing that could truly help you. That wouldn't be wise.
