I had to look up some references as to what sexual fullfillment is, it is not easy to describe. In it's simplest terms, it means "Want". It's not about sex, it is WHY you have sex. It is the difference between having sex and making love. As Dr. Smalley puts it, "meeting the need for sex can not be achieved unless you can also show an enthusiasim for it (this also applies to any other need). Mere willingness usually will NOT solve the issue. So I "Need" a wife that wants to ML to me, not just be willing to let me use her body. I "Need" a wife that understands that certain forms of EC can ONLY be created through physical touch.
My wifes #1 need, probably financial security. She grew up pathetically poor, and I think she saw me as potential for a secure lifestyle. Or she is a quality time person. She wants me around, just not too close. She wants me to take an interest in her activities. She also wants me to have more of my own interests. She wants us to be busy all the time, just as long as none of our activities involves physical touch between the two of us. To her, life is about what activites you do, it is not about being lovers.
As for the MC, I have been waiting until I could afford it, but I am becoming disillusioned with them as I see others on here going to MC's and they are NOT addressing the issue of desire, it's like they hope that if they fix everything else then maybe it will take care of itself, which seems to rarely happen. I want a plan.
What I see is that this process to restore the marriage is a two step process. Step 1 is for us HD men to make ourselves more attractive to our wives. Step 2 is for the women to restore her desire. The problem is that step #1 has virtually no impact on the possibility for success. It's only there to hopefully cause the women to actually undertake the process in step 2. Step 2 is where the solution actually resides. The worst part is that the man must NOT be invloved in step 2, the women must go this ALONE.
I have already spent the last ten years going down cheesless tunnels, so it is becomming harder and harder to try to complete step #1 when nobody can ever define how the women is going to complete step #2. That's why I started this thread. Let's assume that I am now MR. Wonderful, I meet the needs of my wife. Now I want step #2 completed, how do they do it? How does a ND women become HD by her actions?
