Quote: I don't know why it surprises me...this is the usual pattern. It just sucks.
This struck a chord with me today. It surprises you because deep down in your heart, you know, you feel, you believe he's better than this. And despite trying to expect nothing from him in this situation, you're relying on that hope and faith --- and although that gets you through most days, some days it bites you in the butt because it opens you up to him again. It allows him to creep back in and take a little corner of you. It's a wacky balancing act. One day that hope and faith will carry you through and you'll know you're doing the right thing and that things will be OK. The next day all that hope and faith is dashed because he turns into (to steal SnS's phrase) a WANKER. So, then you have to rejuggle all those thoughts in your head.
The problem is, as much as our Hs are dealing in fantasyland, we're constantly trying to figure out what's real and what's true.
And you're right. It sucks. And it's not fair.
You hang in there, OK? Tomorrow that hope, that faith, that inner strength and beauty that you have will make you soar through the day.
