I'm definitely in. My H was definitely the one in the past who did all the chasing. Funny how you want what you can't have. There is a small part of me that really really worries that the reason I'm fighting so hard for our M is because he wants to leave. I know that's not true but it does bother me.
Here's another thought. Can our spouses really be as great as we think when they don't realize how smart, beautiful, funny and amazing we all are. I mean honestly, my H is never going to find someone better than me and he is in serious danger of throwing it all away.
SuperS, You pose a good question, and I know my H. will never find someone who will love and care about him more than I have. Not to mention handling the lifestyle/work schedule he has. It doesn't seem to phase him right now that he might lose all of this. If he throws it away, maybe someday when he grows up, it will bother him. Imdi, where are you today? Everything ok? Please check in.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Quote: Can our spouses really be as great as we think when they don't realize how smart, beautiful, funny and amazing we all are. I mean honestly, my H is never going to find someone better than me and he is in serious danger of throwing it all away.
That is the real question that we all have. I wonder sometimes if my W has ever felt that she deserved someone like me. I read the real meaning of love. I can honestly say that I know what real love is now that I am in my sitch. You never really know how much you love someone until they start acting out and wanting to live without you. One day our spouses will see it. I can and will forgive her if she sees it in her heart to try again.
Work Like you don't need to money
Love like you've never been hurt
Dance like no one is watching
My Story
Here's another thought. Can our spouses really be as great as we think when they don't realize how smart, beautiful, funny and amazing we all are. I mean honestly, my H is never going to find someone better than me and he is in serious danger of throwing it all away.
Superstressed...can't think of a better song to come on the radio than the one playing here right now...Don Henley "The Heart of the Matter." Read those lyrics when you have a chance.
When you detach and I mean fully detach...you see things differently, your eyes are no longer fogged...I still believe that the LBS is just as much in a fog as the wAS. The LBS is left behind, abandoned, holding onto the good memories...so desperate to have that person come back to them...I wonder now looking back...are they only so attractive to the LBS because someone else the op found them to be attractive and so now we wonder just what the hell we lost and why we didn't give them all that they needed. I mean come one...who here was truly in a perfect R with their WAS...because if it had been perfect, not a single one of us would be here, would we...somewhere both parties failed. We're left behind as the accountable ones trying to make something of our lives. I remember my therapist telling me one day that she KNEW that whether I wanted to believe it that something eventually would have caused the demise of our R and that eventually, I would outgrow him once I found my way and let go of my fears. I fought her pretty hard on this, I have to admit...and she was right...worth every pennty I paid.
It was never about the ow with me, one look at her and finding her life story made me feel if anything sadness for her...she is truly a sad, pathetic human being...and in a sad pathetic place in her life and now she has to take care of Wanker, how even more sad and pathetic...I wondered more than anything how Wanker could give up everything that he had when we were together...but he did...for what he claimed his peace of mind...he could drink himself to death without me there...to him it was all a game he played to make me pay but in the end now, it is he who has lost. I found my way and now he wants out...my friends asked me yesterday if this weekend had changed his chances...and I said yes...end of story...
Hi everybody- Sorry I didn't get here earlier...work was CRAZY today! I am so exhausted...can't wait to get home. I think i will definitely have a drink tonight!
I am glad you all enjoyed that story...it made me cry. And when i read it, i realized that it was so perfect for so many of us here, who wonder why we are going through this and if we will make it. I think we will.
Not much new to report with me and H. I didn't call him at all yesterday. I was out shopping last night and he called. Said he would be home if i wanted to stop by and pick up the shirt he got me. So, i went up to our house. Things were okay b/w us. We laughed...it was nice. But, i have to take our interactions at face value and stop attaching my own meaning to it (like, oh he wants to see me, it must mean he wants to be back together). I'll admit that it is hard, b/c i don't understand why we can't make it work. But, i can't keep hoping and overanalyzing everything he says and does...its exhausting. Anyway, it was a nice night. I might see him this Saturday...that will be my visiting day and he said he might be home...we'll see.
I am starting to believe, slowly, that I will be okay. I believe that we all will...b/c we all deserve that chance to be happy!
are they only so attractive to the LBS because someone else the op found them to be attractive and so now we wonder just what the hell we lost and why we didn't give them all that they needed.
Sassy, I'll admit, yes, this thought has crossed my mind more than once. I feel perhaps I took H. for granted. And then the other half of me says how could I take someone like him for granted; look how he has treated ME.
Imdi??
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Quote: That is the real question that we all have. I wonder sometimes if my W has ever felt that she deserved someone like me. I read the real meaning of love. I can honestly say that I know what real love is now that I am in my sitch. You never really know how much you love someone until they start acting out and wanting to live without you. One day our spouses will see it. I can and will forgive her if she sees it in her heart to try again.
Excellent thoughts...and so I pose the question...how/why did we all allow ourselves and our sitch's to get here in the first place..is this to teach us a lesson on cherishing people and never taking advantage of them? Living each day as though there may never be a tomorrow? Because from what I see, the WAS have often indicating feeling abandoned, depressed, some of them are alcoholic's. While an A is never justified, I think often it is a cry out for something...the WAS last resort and sometimes in some cases...the end result of years of frustration.
is this to teach us a lesson on cherishing people and never taking advantage of them? Living each day as though there may never be a tomorrow?
There are good lessons to learn from our experiences, for sure.
Because from what I see, the WAS have often indicating feeling abandoned, depressed, some of them are alcoholic's. While an A is never justified, I think often it is a cry out for something...the WAS last resort and sometimes in some cases...the end result of years of frustration.
Its origination being problematic doesn't negative the silver lining we can draw from the outcome, for our part. For their part, it oughtta be a wake up call that growth and maturity and better ways of handling their crisis is warranted.
Its origination being problematic doesn't negative the silver lining we can draw from the outcome, for our part. For their part, it oughtta be a wake up call that growth and maturity and better ways of handling their crisis is warranted.
True, that it OUGHT to be a wake up call...when you read all these posts by the LBS, there is one consistent post "WOW my WAS is just like yours"...There is a pattern here of behaviour that separates the WAS from the LBS...just as there is the Type A personality, etc...perhaps it goes as deep as that. Some people get it, and some don't. Just like you can tell some people on here the same things over and over again, and no matter what you say they continue down the cheeseless tunnel...continously.
I think Dave's dad said it best...Dave through his life has continously avoided closure on anything where he had to assume responsibility...instead he closed one chapter of his life and opened up a new chapter...leaving behind the ruins of his life. He'll never get it. He never will and regretfully some of the rest of the WAS may never get it either.
