Hey Sassy- Thanks for your words of encouragement...they always mean a lot.
You are right. I realized the other day...i haven't slept in the same bed with my H in 13 months (give or take a few days when we were attempting to reconcile). And that was so hard in the beginning. It still sucks now, but its been so long i don't even remember what it felt like, well not really. My point is, the hardest part is over, b/c i have been without him for so long. By no means do i think that the road ahead is all rosy if we do D, but i have survived some of the toughest days and nights of my life...and i am still alive, pretty mentally stable, and still employed...all big plusses in my book! I still miss him, will all my heart...but i miss what was...him, our R...and that just isn't the reality anymore. B/c both of those things are long gone...the man i loved and our R. No way do i want back this selfish, angry man...And who's to say that if we did reconcile, i would be getting back those aspects that i want...i have no idea. Am i still open to the idea of reconciling...absolutely. But, there would need to be A LOT of work on both of our parts to make this M a success. What i have realized is that i can no longer make myself sick over this. I have been truly miserable for so long...and i am just so tired. I think i am detaching or whatever. But, that doesn't mean i am stopping loving him. Just that i know that i need to love myself more right now...b/c if i don't, noone will.
