Hey hope- Sorry i missed your post when i posted earlier.
RE: lowering my expectations: i figure this is really a small change that i can make that will help me to feel better. Since i can't control what my H is doing, i might as control what i am doing. If i expect my H to call every day, and he doesn't, i feel like crap.
I am definitely glad the holidays are over. And i do feel like this limbo that we are in feels stark and lonely. Some days are worse than others. I think last week i was just so emotional b/c all i had was time on my hands to think all kinds of thoughts. Plus, i kept wondering what he got ow and if he was with her...you know the drill. And at times i wonder if/when he is going to drop the final bomb. But, you know what...i know that i will be okay. Will it suck? Oh yes, like nothing i have ever experienced before. But, i know, with all my heart, that i have done everything i could to save my M. Did i make mistakes? Sure, but don't we all? And regardless of what happens, i know i will survive (don't worry, i am not going to break out in song). We both will. B/c this whole thing has made us stronger. And i think we both know that we are valuable, beautiful, strong women who have so much to offer. And if our H's can't see that...well too bad for them. B/c i do believe that one day, when the shiny newness of the ow wears off, they will regret what they have done and wish they could come back.
I used to never doubt H. or the things I knew he would do for me. Now I have to change the way I think about him, and it’s nearly impossible some days.
When i am doubting my H...things he says and does now, and things he has said and done in the past...i try to remind myself that i don't know who this person is, b/c he is not the man that i married. I don't believe he could have faked it for 8 years. So, i try to remember that something has taken over him...his mind and his heart. Maybe one day, they will be relinquished. Maybe not. But, i have to believe that my H did love me, probably still does, and that having him in my life for the time that i did was a gift. Now, some days, when he pi$$e$ me off, that is hard to remember. But, when i think about the man that he was, i smile, b/c i know that he was a good person.
I don't know if any of this made sense, or even addressed what you were saying. It's just what i thought and i had to get it out.
