I, too, am having questions about the children issue. (see my thread). I never thought it bothered H. that much that we did not have kids; maybe this was something he was keeping from me? But then again, o.w.'s child is not really "his" so he has the freedom from being responsible to her. I don't know what to think though. And, I can see you have your own questions about this. Perhaps trying on the hat of "dad" is part of all this for both our H.'s.
Re: filing. I know my H. does not want to be viewed as the bad guy anymore than he already is. I think it has kept him from filing even in moments when he might have really wanted to. I do not bring it up anymore, and so far he hasn't either. I'm waiting to see what happens after New Year's. He knows I won't do it, just like you. I would be willing to bet that both our husbands would not resist us if we did choose to file, but they know we won't, and they don't want to do it, so A + B = LIMBO.
Your H. definitely knows you are a wonderful wife, Imdi, but right now he's going to do and say a lot of bad things because he has to justify his own behavior. He has to convince himself he's doing the right thing; they all do this. But you know the truth deep down, and so do I. Imagine the turmoil that must go on in H's head all day...the constant second guessing that you never hear about. I can't imagine what it must be like for these men.
Sending hugs...keep in touch.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
He knows I won't do it, just like you. I would be willing to bet that both our husbands would not resist us if we did choose to file, but they know we won't, and they don't want to do it, so A + B = LIMBO. 