Hey brava- Thanks for checking in. I did read your updates and felt like we were in the same place emotionally a few days ago. I will check in with yours again. Thank you for your feedback...you gave me a lot to think about...and none of it was harsh or judgemental or preachy.
RE: ow sitch....my aunt is the one who hired someone last year to follow my H. My aunt also said that she drives by my house late at night and sees that my H is not home. I don't know if she drives by ow's house as well, but she did say that my H spends most nights at her house. OW is a co-worker (surprise surprise).
I know you are right...i did too much pursuing. I regret having the conversation b/c i am afraid that it set us back. I didn't know if i should just drop it now or say something like "i am sorry i got so emotional the other day. but i appreciate your honesty and am glad that we are now on the same page. now that i understand exactly where you are at, i hope that we can continue to have our friendship." Something like that...or just let it go and not say anything?
I guess the hardest thing for me right now is actually believing the things he is saying. If he has been lying about the ow to my face for so long, couldn't he be lying about all this other stuff as well? I guess i don't understand how i can be the love his life, but he still does not want to be with me. I know that i need to stop over analyzing everything he says, but it is just so hard. I guess i am trying to protect myself, but i don't think that is possible. What is hard for me to understand is: he said he doesn't want to confuse me...if he looks at his behaviors over the past month, what did he think i was going to think? I mean, he makes plans to see me, he tells me ILY and IMY and "do you realize what you are missing...me too", we are still intimate, he calls me, he reaches out to me when he doesn't feel good or is upset about our situation. There are many things over the past month that have made me think that we were taking baby steps forward. I know that he is upset about this week and new years eve...i expect limited contact from him and if he does call me, i anticipate that he will be hostile towards me. I thought that maybe he needed to get past new years and see that nothing happens and maybe he would want to try. But, after our conversation, that doesn't seem to be a possibility. I guess i need to try to go back to how i had been over the past few months...no R talk, no crying. Maybe all of that contributed to the positive steps.
Okay, i will definitely go back and read what you wrote brava...thanks again.
