Hey, Imdi! Sorry it's taken me so long to get back with you. I've been thinking of you, though.
The limbo stuff. It sucks. It was so interesting to me, in my sitch, that I started feeling *worse* when H started showing signs of "improvement" than I did in the weeks that I had absolutely no communication with him. Being "dark" was the easiest part, even though I didn't feel that way at the time.
And when I started noticing H taking "baby steps," I started to push. It was almost like a natural reaction. Then, when I caught him with OW, I threw DBing principles slap out the window, and I pushed and pushed. I stated in one post that it was almost like I had what I wanted in the palm of my hand, and as soon as it started slipping through my fingers, I started grasping for whatever was left.
In my case, nothing was left. But it sounds much different in yours.
Your H's A has seemingly already started to be old news. You said things had gotten better before you "slipped." There's absolutely nothing wrong with "slipping" every once in a while. But when you're tempted to push, I would just urge you to really go within yourself and realize that perhaps the *reason* you feel the need to push is because you're actually and finally getting somewhere with your H.
DBing is difficult always, but I would argue that it's the most difficult to do when we're actually seeing baby steps.
Yes, you're still in limbo, and you're probably going to stay there for some time. That's why I believe it's important for you to be sure of what you want, and know your boundaries as best you can.
13 months is a long time, but it sounds to me that things are improving, however slight those improvements may seem.
Let me ask you this: Your options are to keep trying to save your M by working on yourself, or what? File for D? What are your other options?
