Hey there. HUGS. Ok, so now it seems SOW is really OW. And that is ok. Better to know, actually. The not knowing is what nearly killed me for weeks. If you can make peace with this inside yourself, you will be able to pick yourself up and take care of you right now. I can't answer a lot of your questions only because I've had them myself and still have no answers. Why doesn't H. tell you outright? It could be for many reasons. Maybe guilt; maybe shame; maybe he doesn't know if it will last, so why hurt you with the knowledge? I would not ask him about her. I had a coaching session with Chuck today, and he told me do not acknowledge the o.w. whatsoever. Do not ask questions about her or anything to do with that part of H's life. Believe me, if you read my thread today, it took a lot for me to NOT say anything to H. when I saw that he now carries a photo of o.w.'s daughter in his wallet. It's right there on top so anyone can see it if he opens it up. You have been at this a lot longer than I have, Imdi, so I kind of feel like you are in a different position than I am. I've been separated (but not legally) from H. for almost 5 mo. now. That's nothing compared to your 13. I would not fault you at ALL if you decided to move on and not do this limbo thing anymore; no one would! But I know you want to be with your H. so if you decide to hang in there, the best thing to do is to not ask about o.w. anymore. Ok, so she exists, but I am sure you really figured that all along anyway, right? Just look at it as one less thing you have to wonder about. Now you know. But it has nothing to do with you and your H. That's the most important thing. I hope you are ok tonight; I am thinking about you and I know what the pain feels like. Sending many hugs your way.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
