Oooo. I just got back from a friend's house and got the heeby jeebies reading all your posts. Wow. And I mean wow. To all of you. And obviously, thanks for your concern for me.

(Ellie) If that other person is someone who has actually met your H - I would be worried, that maybe they are someone who has seen the "mask" slip?

No, fortunately this was a friend who I don't see often -- and who didn't really know H at all. Maybe met him once.

I think you should go out and get that book and read it, just to see if there are any creepy similarities. If there are too many - get out of there.

Good idea. And I could use a good book. Seriously, I would be interested in reading it. I got a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble for Christmas from H's brother and his partner. Maybe that's what I'll use it for...I was planning to go to B&N tomorrow.

It's interesting that he made those calls to her right after you told him you were pregnant.

Yep, I agree.

Either he was already having an affair with her and called her to discuss the sitch - seems unlikely, given the lack of regular phone contact prior - or he was thinking of her, and as soon as he panicked about the pregnancy, he acted on it to line up a way out.
Yucky either way.

Yucky either way is right. But my thinking is with yours: More in line with the second possibility. And only because I know how often H was home, and I have the phone records to show (as you pointed out) that he started making all the calls just more than a week after my pregnancy was confirmed.

I'm not suggesting that he left me *just* because he's terrified of the baby. I mean, he took my two girls in like they were his own, and he was better to them than I've seen many biological fathers be to their children. But the way H went from being so happy and so loving to bolting the way he did...well, it just doesn't make much sense, except if the pregnancy tripped some trigger in him. And OW had obviously made herself available to H, so he knew she would be there. And I'd bet he was enticed by her because whereas I offer the comfortable home life -- with a little wild partying on the side -- she represented his "business life," which is something he always accused me of holding him back in. Well, I hope she's all he bargained for...that's about all I can say.

(Hope)Quite honestly, you're one heck of a lady and I can't imagine handling this with any more class than you already have.

Awww, this made me a little teary-eyed. Thanks so much. Except if you go back a thread or two, you'd see I'm not really all that classy at times. . So I've lost my temper -- and sanity? -- a moment or two??!! We'll all pull it back together, won't we?

As for the posts re: the Peterson sitch, I know to some folks it might sound like we're paranoid. But do you know what bothers me? That so many of us have had these similar fears and experiences. It actually infuriates me, to tell you the truth. But that's my feminazi comin' out.

I certainly thought about changing the locks on the house when H left. Only problem is, this is his house and my name's not on the mortgage. I guess I could likely do it anyway. But at this point, I feel I'm fortunate that he's never here. About 2 or 3 weeks after he left, my next-door neighbor caught H "spying" on me from the backyard. Some of you may remember that from my earliest posts. H thought a co-worker of mine, who visits me frequently, was (as H put it to neighbor), "Taggin' my W." Interesting, isn't it? Too bad OW couldn't keep him occupied enough to mind his own freakin' business and not worry about who's over here "tagging" the pregnant woman. Sheesh. Anyway, that kinda gave me the creeps.

But other than that, he hasn't made me wonder about him too much. I did leave the house several times at first, after he showed me that angry side of him that I never knew he had. I was afraid he would burn the house down or something because he was so angry that he couldn't get me out of it. And he kept talking about how badly he's always hated this house -- that the only reason he bought it was because I liked it. But my house has always been standing when I return.

I don't know how some of you guys have stayed inside your own skin after the experiences you posted here. I absolutely cannot imagine hearing somebody walk up my stairs after I'm already in bed. Oh my gawd, that freaks me out! And Lisa! Holy crap. Psycho XH!! That's about all I can say.

I hate to admit that things are kinda scary. The only comfort I find is in the fact that my H is kinda small framed -- but really strong -- and I took kickboxing for 2 years. And he didn't. I'm just kidding. None of that really makes me feel comfortable. He has big tools.

But do you want to hear a more positive story? One of the first nights after H had left in such an angry frame of mind, I had asked my next-door neighbor to keep an eye on the house. I went to stay with a friend. My neighbor came over and took all the really dangerous tools and things from the garage. He's had them hidden since. Isn't that sweet? It sucks that there are so many bad folks who overshadow the random acts of kindness from those who are so good.